Booked in for a total hysterectomy :(

So much has happened in these last 2 years! I love being a mum! My beautiful daughter that we adopted 2 years ago has just turned 3! She is amazing, funny, intelligent, stubborn, crazy and I love her with all my heart! I have been so incredibly happy these last couple of years! There is however a but.. and that is that my endometriosis has been very bad, I have a 8cm cyst on my left ovary, bad pain, heavy bleeding and I am booked in to have a total hysterectomy on 18th June. I am struggling with this a bit as it all feels so final. I thought after 7 failed attempts at IVF and then moving on to adoption that I had drawn a line under this all, but turns out not quite. I am struggling to come to terms with it all. I still wish that I could have been pregnant, could have experienced all of the things a women was supposed to experience and once my uterus of doom and ovaries and cervix is removed, that chance will be 100% gone. Everyone keeps telling me how much better I will feel after the surgery and I really hope this will be the case. I am worried about the recovery and pain as well as the emotional side.

Where have these 8 weeks gone?!?

Our DD came home 8 weeks ago! I can not believe how fast the time has gone! She is 15 months today! These last 8 weeks have been amazing and exhausting! M is a lovely girl who loves to smile, giggle and please. She learnt to walk last week and there is no stopping her now! I love being a mum! It is all I have every dreamed of! I have been so happy since having M. It has been very hard work and such a sudden dramatic change in lifestyle. I miss the time that I used to spend with my DH, just the two of us. That said, I love spending time as a family, the three of us now!

We met our daughter today!

Today has been amazing! We met M and she is adorable! She recognised us from the photos she was given last week. Amazing for a 1 year old! She kept looking at the pictures and then us and then smiling! She warmed to us very quickly. She is a very happy calm girl that loves to babble, dance and sing! Can't wait to see her again tomorrow. Hopefully she will be home forever on 25th April! So happy and excited! All is very surreal at the moment!

I will be a mummy this month!!

Only 2 weeks until we meet our daughter! Only 3 weeks until we hopefully bring our daughter home!! There are only a couple of things that we need to do before we meet her. First is our Matching panel on the 10th April - 10 people will interview us again to agree that we can adopt her. After that we have the introduction period which I am feeling very nervous about!! Anyone in the UK got any advice for introductions? M is 1 year old and not sure what to expect when it comes to introductions! I have waited so long for this and now that it is so close I am getting extremely excited/nervous/impatient! It was Mothers day over here in the UK last weekend. Another Mothers day where I do not have a child. I managed to keep myself busy by getting the nursery ready and washing clothes etc. My DH did something very sweet - he got me a 'nearly' mothers day card! He wrote how I am a 'nearly mummy' and I thought it was a lovely thing to do!

We are adopting a little girl!!

I am so happy right now! We have been matched with a little 11 month old girl who I shall call 'M'. We have met her social workers, her foster carers, read her history, seen some photographs and videos. She is beautiful! We go back to panel, where 10 people will interview us again and confirm 100% that we are allowed to adopt her. This will be on the 10th April. As long as they day yes, we will meet her on 17th April, get to know her over 10ish days and hopefully have her home by 28th April!! I can not believe I am finally going to be a mum! I have waited and wished for this for so so long and it is nearly here! We have been shopping for a buggy, car seat, high chair, decorated the nursery and I am getting so excited! I guess I am starting to nest! I do however feel extremely nervous, overwhelmed and a bit scared, but I think all are normal feelings for any new mum, whether it be due to adoption, or having a biological child. One thing I do know is that I love her already and I have yet to meet her!! Crazy! It just feels so right!

They said YES!!

Panel went well. We had 10 people interview us, but it didn't last very long. We were told they were very positive about us from our portfolio that they had read. We were only in for 10 mins. Instead of them sending us out of the room to talk about us to decide, they spoke in front of us! It was a unanimous 'yes' we should be allowed to adopt! So happy and relieved! We can be parents!

Will they say yes?

Tomorrow is when we find out if we are approved as adopters! I am so nervous and excited! Tomorrow could change our life! Frustratingly I have been ill and off work in bed for the last 2 days with a bad cold! It will not stop me turning up tomorrow for panel (interview). On other exciting news, we will also be given a CPR (profile) of a child we have been told about....! More info on that to come if we like the look of her.....! SO EXCITING!!