I can't wait for my period to end. I am so pleased AF showed and I am cycling but it is so bloody painful and I am horny! TMI but I can count on one hand how many times we have had sex in the last 6 months! My suppression injections took away all of my sex drive, but now I am horny again! Nic is now back, lol!
I have decided I am not going to do anything monitoring wise this cycle other than checking my CM. I am going to enjoy this cycle, enjoy the fact that we are able to start TTC again! CD5 already, woop woop!
On another note, I have just been to the cinema and seen Avatar, I loved it, it was amazing!!!
Sunday, 27 December 2009
Wednesday, 23 December 2009
AF has arrived!!
Who would have thought that I was pleased to welcome AF with open arms this morning! I am so pleased because the suppression drugs have worn off, I have started cycling again!! Yay!! This means I can start TTC again!! I am so excited!
The bad side of it is the pain. I started back to work this week and have been managing Okish. I have been a little sore and extremely exhausted. Now I have terrible period pains as well! I am not complaining loads, this is what I asked santa for and he delievered!! I just hope the pain will subside by xmas day. Untill then I shall just keep taking my painkillers and smiling through the pain!
I have started to fill out fertility friend, I just hope that it remains my friend as we had some fallings out last time I used it! I am wondering whether I should really chart my cycles, i.e. do OPK's, take temp etc or do I do the whole 'just relax' thing (yeah right!!) or chart my cycles, every last detail?!?
The bad side of it is the pain. I started back to work this week and have been managing Okish. I have been a little sore and extremely exhausted. Now I have terrible period pains as well! I am not complaining loads, this is what I asked santa for and he delievered!! I just hope the pain will subside by xmas day. Untill then I shall just keep taking my painkillers and smiling through the pain!
I have started to fill out fertility friend, I just hope that it remains my friend as we had some fallings out last time I used it! I am wondering whether I should really chart my cycles, i.e. do OPK's, take temp etc or do I do the whole 'just relax' thing (yeah right!!) or chart my cycles, every last detail?!?
Monday, 21 December 2009
Happy ICLW!
I have had a few months break from ICLW, but now I am back in the saddle and ready to go again! Here is the short version of my story so far:
I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at 16 and endometriosis when I was 18, I had a laparoscopy soon after. I have been on the pill since 16 to control my painful and heavy periods. In October 08 I was finally able to come off the pill and start TTC. This didnt result in a PG and I wasnt coping with the pain being off the pill. I had a second lap in June 09 followed by 6 months of ovary suppression injections. I have just had a 3rd lap in November 09 which was extensive, they removed all of my endo, my utero-sacral ligaments, my appendix and biopsied my liver as a nodule was found. Since then I have been recovering and waiting for my body to start cycling again so that I can start TTC again. I have an intial IVF appointment with a specialist on the 1st of Feb to discuss my options. My endo is very extensive and my left fallopian tube is destroyed so the chances of concieving naturally are small.
All I want like so many others is a baby...
I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at 16 and endometriosis when I was 18, I had a laparoscopy soon after. I have been on the pill since 16 to control my painful and heavy periods. In October 08 I was finally able to come off the pill and start TTC. This didnt result in a PG and I wasnt coping with the pain being off the pill. I had a second lap in June 09 followed by 6 months of ovary suppression injections. I have just had a 3rd lap in November 09 which was extensive, they removed all of my endo, my utero-sacral ligaments, my appendix and biopsied my liver as a nodule was found. Since then I have been recovering and waiting for my body to start cycling again so that I can start TTC again. I have an intial IVF appointment with a specialist on the 1st of Feb to discuss my options. My endo is very extensive and my left fallopian tube is destroyed so the chances of concieving naturally are small.
All I want like so many others is a baby...
Sunday, 20 December 2009
I have a new blog!
I have decided to write new blog. This is not IF related at all. It is all about me as a vet. It will contain lots of very funny and strange anecdotes, like my boxing day llama incident and bleeding over a hamster! Check it out if you are interested!! Life as a vet
Saturday, 19 December 2009
I hate facebook & IVF appointment!
I thought there was nothing worse than getting PG news form facebook, when my friend kindly announced that she was having a little girl. My other friend who got PG at the same time announced the next day that she has felt her first proper kick! I am afraid I became very jealous and angry that they are shoving it in my face (I realise that I am exagerating and beng a bit melodramatic, but I wasnt in the best mood!).
In other news, I have an intial appointment with the IVF specialist on Monday 1st Feburary! I really hope that things will get going and I will be put on the waiting list. If I do I estimate that I will start IVF treatment in August. Obviously we will TTC naturally untill then... if I actually start cycling.... come on AF, where are you?!?!
In other news, I have an intial appointment with the IVF specialist on Monday 1st Feburary! I really hope that things will get going and I will be put on the waiting list. If I do I estimate that I will start IVF treatment in August. Obviously we will TTC naturally untill then... if I actually start cycling.... come on AF, where are you?!?!
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
Feeling tearful
I am not sure why, but I have woken up in a strange mood. I have been in tears twice this morning and I am not sure why. I think it is because I am frustrated with my situation and frustrated that I haven't started cycling yet. I am sad that both DH and I are in such poor spirits at the moment. It is Christmas soon and there was meant to be a bun in the oven by now.
Wow, I have just read the above paragraph and it is such a 'poor me' dribble!! Sorry! I hate feeling like this as there are so many other people out there in worse situations than me.
I hope that we all get what we dream of very soon.
Wow, I have just read the above paragraph and it is such a 'poor me' dribble!! Sorry! I hate feeling like this as there are so many other people out there in worse situations than me.
I hope that we all get what we dream of very soon.
Sunday, 13 December 2009
It has been a year
I cant believe I started this blog a year ago!! Where has the time gone? Down the shitter!
What have I achieved in this year? Fuck all, other than 2 laparoscopies, 6 months of ovary suppression, and did I mention fuck all!
Having IF, having endo, having hypothyroidism has turned me into a different person. I am even more cynical than before, even more pessimistic, even less hopeful, but I am also stronger. I have an even tougher layer of protection over me. I have been through a fair amount in my life and I have survived it so far (literally, I had TB when I was younger) and I shall continue to get through it all.
I am so lucky, I have such a wonderful DH. Although he can be a bit grumpy and a bit distant sometimes, he has always been there for me, he has got me through so much, he has been my rock. I am so lucky to have him!
As far as DH goes, he doesnt tend to talk that much about my IF and how it makes him feel as he said that he worries about me geting more upset and worried about him and me feeling guilty. Lets face it, its my body that is fucked, his sperm is fine. However he always reminds me it is both of us in this relationship and both of us who has these problems. It is great that he is so supportive. I still feel guilty though! The other day we were watching one of our favourire programs and the couple in it were TTC and we found out they had been for a year and with no sucess. DH got upset, he couldnt watch it anymore, he said he didnt need anymore reminders of what we are going through. The other day he also got upset when we had another friend anounce they were PG. I never cope with PG anouncements, but never realised that DH doesnt either, he just hides it well. It is great to know that he feels the same and is as upset as I am that our dream of a baby has not come true yet.
So, where do I want to be in one years time? Obviously holding my baby! Realistically a little bit pregnant!
On a final note, (well done if you have read this far!!!!) I hate the fact that I am infertile, rather than I have infertility. Just a thing I saw on one of my bloggy friends and they are so right. IF has consumed me and I hate what it has done to me. I will beat the bitch, I will win!
What have I achieved in this year? Fuck all, other than 2 laparoscopies, 6 months of ovary suppression, and did I mention fuck all!
Having IF, having endo, having hypothyroidism has turned me into a different person. I am even more cynical than before, even more pessimistic, even less hopeful, but I am also stronger. I have an even tougher layer of protection over me. I have been through a fair amount in my life and I have survived it so far (literally, I had TB when I was younger) and I shall continue to get through it all.
I am so lucky, I have such a wonderful DH. Although he can be a bit grumpy and a bit distant sometimes, he has always been there for me, he has got me through so much, he has been my rock. I am so lucky to have him!
As far as DH goes, he doesnt tend to talk that much about my IF and how it makes him feel as he said that he worries about me geting more upset and worried about him and me feeling guilty. Lets face it, its my body that is fucked, his sperm is fine. However he always reminds me it is both of us in this relationship and both of us who has these problems. It is great that he is so supportive. I still feel guilty though! The other day we were watching one of our favourire programs and the couple in it were TTC and we found out they had been for a year and with no sucess. DH got upset, he couldnt watch it anymore, he said he didnt need anymore reminders of what we are going through. The other day he also got upset when we had another friend anounce they were PG. I never cope with PG anouncements, but never realised that DH doesnt either, he just hides it well. It is great to know that he feels the same and is as upset as I am that our dream of a baby has not come true yet.
So, where do I want to be in one years time? Obviously holding my baby! Realistically a little bit pregnant!
On a final note, (well done if you have read this far!!!!) I hate the fact that I am infertile, rather than I have infertility. Just a thing I saw on one of my bloggy friends and they are so right. IF has consumed me and I hate what it has done to me. I will beat the bitch, I will win!
Thursday, 10 December 2009
Nearly my bloggerversary; a reflection
Cant believe it, in 3 days time it would have been a year since I started this blog. A year since I found a release for all of my frustration and anger. A year since I was hopeful that I would get pregnant. A year since I faced up to the truth that I had infertility.
I would like to think that I will write a very thought provoking post on Sunday, but I doubt it!! I have my work Christmas party Saturday night, and although I dont feel 100% for a proper knees up, I am sure I will feel a little worse for wear on Sunday!
I am feeling so frustrated at the moment. I have been very frustrated since June when I went on the suppression injections. The 6 months of suppression was oh so hard, but I came to accept it somehow. It went quicker than expected and I managed better than I thought I would. Now however, the drugs are meant to be out of my system, I am meant to be back to good old Nic, I am meant to be able to get back into the TTC sadle. Sadly I am only seeing very small short glimers of my old self at the moment. Admitedly it was more than previously. Sometimes I feel a little happier, a little more affectionate, horny, but other times I am still grumpy and having dizzy spells and hot flushes like before.
I never though I would say this but I am longing to see AF! I know she will cause me so much pain and I will regret wishing for her to arrive, but at least it will show me I am ready, I am cycling, my ovaries have kicked back into gear and I will get my baby! Wow, that was a moment of optomism! It has gone already though!
I am awaiting my letter from the IVF doctor to have a chat and try to get myself on the waiting list. I am feeling so impatient to get this letter. I guess I am not that optomistic after all!!
I would like to think that I will write a very thought provoking post on Sunday, but I doubt it!! I have my work Christmas party Saturday night, and although I dont feel 100% for a proper knees up, I am sure I will feel a little worse for wear on Sunday!
I am feeling so frustrated at the moment. I have been very frustrated since June when I went on the suppression injections. The 6 months of suppression was oh so hard, but I came to accept it somehow. It went quicker than expected and I managed better than I thought I would. Now however, the drugs are meant to be out of my system, I am meant to be back to good old Nic, I am meant to be able to get back into the TTC sadle. Sadly I am only seeing very small short glimers of my old self at the moment. Admitedly it was more than previously. Sometimes I feel a little happier, a little more affectionate, horny, but other times I am still grumpy and having dizzy spells and hot flushes like before.
I never though I would say this but I am longing to see AF! I know she will cause me so much pain and I will regret wishing for her to arrive, but at least it will show me I am ready, I am cycling, my ovaries have kicked back into gear and I will get my baby! Wow, that was a moment of optomism! It has gone already though!
I am awaiting my letter from the IVF doctor to have a chat and try to get myself on the waiting list. I am feeling so impatient to get this letter. I guess I am not that optomistic after all!!
Monday, 7 December 2009
All I want for Christmas....
...is for me to start cycling so I can start TTC again.
Ok...thats a lie, I want quite a few things for Christmas, but to start cycling is top of the list!! This is closely followed by a BFP in 2010 followed by 9 months of pregnancy and a healthy baby at the end!
Santa....is that too much to ask for? I have been such a good girl (sort of!!)
*-*
I still have another two weeks of sick leave off work which is great! This weekend I went food shopping with DH and went on a dog walk with DH. I thought I was doing well, I had been feeling a lot better. I think I over did it. Last night I really wasnt feeling too good at all. It just proves that although I feel better, my body is not ready yet.
Ok...thats a lie, I want quite a few things for Christmas, but to start cycling is top of the list!! This is closely followed by a BFP in 2010 followed by 9 months of pregnancy and a healthy baby at the end!
Santa....is that too much to ask for? I have been such a good girl (sort of!!)
*-*
I still have another two weeks of sick leave off work which is great! This weekend I went food shopping with DH and went on a dog walk with DH. I thought I was doing well, I had been feeling a lot better. I think I over did it. Last night I really wasnt feeling too good at all. It just proves that although I feel better, my body is not ready yet.
Tuesday, 1 December 2009
Doing well
I am recovering well. My wounds are starting to look a bit better. The hole where my drain was is finally starting to close at the edges. I am at that stage where I am feeling ok untill I try to do something and then I hurt and regret it!
Because there is nothing else going on in my life I will post a few pictures of my fur babies!
Maddy, Scamp and myself on the beach!
Maddy and Scamp snuggling!
Because there is nothing else going on in my life I will post a few pictures of my fur babies!
Maddy, Scamp and myself on the beach!
Maddy and Scamp snuggling!
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