Excited about IVF appointment on Monday!

Time seems to be dragging by at the moment. I want it to hurry up and be Monday afternoon so we can have our IVF appointment! DH thinks this will be a 10 min appointment where we get told we need IVF and we will be put on the waiting list. I hope it is more than that, I hope they will give me the basics on the protocols they use etc. I think I have my hopes up too much. I am expecting to have the whole run down of what will go on and when, but DH is right, it will most probably be another quick chat about how we need to be put on the waiting list etc.

Nothing much else to report except my period lasted a full 7 days this month which is crap. I felt awful with it. I was in so much pain, I could hardly function. That pisses me off as it feels like my last lap was pointless, they removed all my endo my arse. I was in as much pain with my period as I was before my lap.

I will let you all know how Monday goes. I hope I wont be too disappointed! It is one step closer to my baby!

Need help from you guys re: IVF

I had my CD5 bloods today, it went well; she found the vein straight away, was pretty easy for once!

I have my IVF appointment on the 1st Feb, one week away! I am so excited but nervous at the same time!

I dont normally do this but, I need some help from you guys regarding what questions to ask at this appointment. It is basically a chat about what will happen, at what clinic etc. I dont feel very prepared which is not me. I usually have a whole list of questions, but for some reason I have none! I think I am just feeling overwhelmed! Please help! Thanks!

She lost the baby

My friend C who had the bleed on Friday had a scan today. Sadly there was no heart beat. She has lost her baby at 11 weeks. We are all devastated. I feel so upset and useless. I want to take her pain away but nothing I do or say will ever make this better. What adds to this pain is that they have been trying for 2 years. A fellow IF looked like she had beaten it, but fucking IF won again.

A quick update

I have my FSH, LH etc CD5 blood test tomorrow. I hate having my blood taken as I have shit veins, but I am excited as it means things are moving forward, it is another thing ticked off the list, another step closer to IVF and my baby!

Things between DH and I are a little strained at mo. He has a lot on at work and is very stressed and I am very down at the mo and work is shit. I think the strain, stress and worry at the mo is taking its toll on us, we are pushing each other away instead of pulling together. We have been through these periods before, periods where we withdraw into ourselves and it is not good. The intamacy and affection disappears and we become housemates instead of husband and wife. That is not to say we stop loving each other, we just need alone time. I hate it and he hates it too, but it is our way of coping. I do worry though that one day the period will not end and we will just stop being together. We have talked, got things off our chest and now we will be fine again and it will be us again.

Hope she is ok

I have just found out my IRL friend/collegue has been desperately trying for a baby for 2 years. Today she suddenly rushed herself to hospital as she was having a 'bleed'. I later found out she is 10 1/2 weeks pregnant. I really hope there is nothing wrong with her baby. I have been so emtional about it all day and been on the verge of tears many times. I think it's because I've just found out she is a fellow IF, fell pregnant and now might be losing it. I really hope it's nothing to worry about

CD1? - peeved *updated*

Woke up with the worst cramps ever this morning, my belly was aching all night, but this morning the pain was awful, I has to some pills straight away. I couldn't even string a sentence together, the pain was so consuming. I presume my period will arrive any second, I presume I am not pregnant!

I was really hoping to have less painful periods after my lap, doesn't seem like it is going to be the case! I will update if AF does show, I expect she is just around the corner.

The very crap thing if today is cd1 (other than not being pg!) is that I might not be able to get my day 2-5 bloods done as that is due tomorrow or over the weekend and my doctors need at least a week to book any form of appointment! So much for being fast tracked to IVF if I can't actually get the tests done!

*Update*
AF appeared this eve, bollox! That is all hope for this cycle gone!

Post op went well - speeding along to IVF

I did not end up seeing my surgeon, but another young Doctor and she was great! She asked if I understood what I had done, which I do. She then asked if I am OK pain wise, and I am. She asked if I had any questions, so I asked how long the IVF waiting list was, what the procedure was from now and what my chances were. She said they would talk about all of that with me on the 1st Feb which is fine, but she gave me a quick run down. She then asked if I had certain tests done like Day 2-5 FSH, LH and SHGB blood tests, day 21 progesterone, chlamydia swab and rubella immunity. I said No so she has given me all of the forms and paper work so I can get them done before my 1st Feb IVF appointment! I am so pleased. I wont be able to do the day 21 progesterone blood test though as wont be on that cycle day by the 1st Feb, but I can get the rest done. She was also pleased that DH has had his semen analysis. We will take the results of that with us.

She said because we are getting things done quickly they will be able to refer me to the IVF waiting list straight away after my 1st Feb appointment. I will then get a letter and a choice of three clinics. I will post that back and then will have a preliminary appointment and arrange to start the IVF within 2 months of that appointment! Cant believe I can get it all done that quickly! That is of course as long as all my tests go OK etc.

I am feeling massively excited and scared. This means they really think my only chance of conceiving is via IVF. I don't think they will do an IUI as I have only one tube and that is shit. Straight to IVF for me I think. That means by summer I should be going through IVF!! OMG I am soooo excited! I may have my dream this year!

Pessimistic thoughts keep popping into my head as I write this. I am trying to push the thoughts out of my head like, things never go this easily, things are never straight forward, I never have any luck. For now however I shall remain positive and excited!!

post-op today

Wow, cant believe how fast time has gone. I have my post-op appointment today. I hope it is pretty routine as DH is not able to come with me. He asked what appointment I needed him more, the post-op or the chat with the IVF specialist. The second one obviously, so he is coming to that with me on the 1st Feb. Hopefully this will be a quick in and out. I have been feeling OK other than 2 days of constant cramps the other day. I haven't a clue what that was about, but now I am fine.

As far as what else is going on with me, I think I may be half way through my 2ww. I say I 'think' as I don't know if I ovulated, my OPK was -ve the couple of times I used it, but as a few pointed out they don't always work. I don't know if my cycles would have changed after 6 months of suppression, or whether my body will just jump right back into its nice routine of a 29day cycle and ovulate on CD17. Who knows. I obviously do not hold out any hope for this cycle but one can dream, right?!?

Strange cycle

I don't think I have ovulated yet as I have peed on a stick for the last few days and they have been negative each time. I have also had terrible cramps all day today. They have got so bad I feel sick with the pain and have had to take some painkillers. It's CD19 and I don't know where I am in my cycle or where my body is at. I guess I am still mucked up after my 6 months of suppression.

I want to pee on an OPK stick!

I should have ovulated yesterday or possibly today. I don't know as I am having a 'relaxing' cycle. I haven't really monitored anything but my CM. It is great not to pee on sticks all the time but I really want to know if I am ovulating. I still want to time sex and be in with a chance. I may have to pee on a stick just for good measure!! DH and I have been BDing pretty much every other day this cycle once AF finished (he made it home last night for BD! Yay!), hopefully it is often enough and timed correctly!??! So much for a relaxing cycle, my mind is just as active!

I have worked out the % chance of getting PG for me every cycle if we TTC naturally not taking into account my endo:

Chance for a 'normal' couple to conceive per cycle = 25%
Chance of me ovulating from R ovary as no left tube = 50%
Therefore chance of ovulating from right and then chance of conceiving is 12.5%. That is not much per cycle is it!! Take into account my endo etc and I think that equals shit all chance! Oh I love the optimistic Nic, you should meet the pessimistic Nic, lol!!

1st of Feb cant come around quick enough for me, just to have a chat about IVF will be great. I am sure it will be frustrating as there will be many more months of waiting before anything happenes but I just want to get the IVF ball rolling.

I am now off to pee on a stick!

Go away snow!

The snow is really bad where I am at the moment. I am on duty this evening and I am hoping that I wont be called in as not sure how I will make it into work! The really frustrating thing is that DH is snowed in at work. Thankfully he is able to stay in the nearby hotel. The part that I am frustrated about is that I am on CD15 and I normally ovulate on CD16! I cant believe we will miss the chance to BD at the right time because of the bloody snow! I really wanted to give this TTC a go this month. Sure we have had lots of practice, but none of it the right time I dont think. I really hope that the snow goes and DH is able to come home tomorrow night. I doubt it somehow!

TTC update

This is our first TTC cycle since our long break of 7 months. It is great, I am enjoying having my sex drive back, I am just worried we will peak too soon! Lol! I am not doing any monitoring this cycle other than my CM and possibly on the day I think I ovulate I may just test as I want to know if my cycles are the same as before my suppression injections. This relatively laid back approach is good for me, normally I take my temp and use my clear blue fertility monitor. This cycle is all about enjoyment and lots of sex!! I am sure as the months goes by and the BFN's keep coming I will become more involved in my monitoring, but not this cycle. Hey you never know, the 'just relax' theory may work! Yeah right! I am too much of a cynic to believe that! It is just about enjoyment this month, the joy of being able to finally TTC again!

Oh and if you havent checked out my other blog yet pop over to my blog about life as a vet. I have just written about a post about dogs with their wilies stuck out!
Life as a vet

Screw you 2009!

What a shit year it has been for so many (and a great year for some of course!) So many of my bloggy friends are now pregnant or have had their baby and I am so pleased for them. However a few of my bloggy friends have suffered so much, either with failed cycle after cycle or devastating losses. I am sorry to you all, you did not deserve this, my heart goes out to you all.

For me his year has not been great. I did not get my BFP that I had hoped for, instead 2 laps and 6 months of ovary suppression and thats about it. The only good thing that came out of this year is that we bought our first house!!

This year I hope for a BFP. Is that too much to ask for? I shall contine to work hard to get my body in shape, I shall continue to TTC. I have an IVF appointment 1st feb. I hope it brings me hope and an eventual baby! No new years resolutions as the are never kept, just goals, hopes and dreams. Bring on 2010!