Happy New Year!!

Happy new year all. Hope 2009 brings you all that you wish for, I know I am wishing!

Have had a lovely afternoon with my husband, spent it all in bed!! Was a nice rare moment where we were both off together, both in a good mood and both horny!! I also found it was a nice to have sex and not wonder whether it would get me pregnant. I know that I am not fertile yet, thanks to my fertility monitor and because of that I relax more during sex when it doesnt matter.

Babies everywhere

Everywhere I look I see people with babies and pregant women, there seems to be more about at the moment or is it just that babies are all I can think about? Also talk of babies is everywhere; my work collegues are talking about it, my friends and now my in-laws. My in-laws were over today visiting and kept talking about Baby B my 1 year old nephew and how cute he is etc. Dont get me wrong, I adore my nephew, but everytime I am with him and see him he just makes my heart ache more as I want a baby of my own!! The problem is with the in-laws always talking about us having a baby and having another grandchild and hinting at us it makes me want to scream at them that we are trying for a baby and want one more than anything but I cant do that. No one is to know we are trying as I dont want to disappoint anyone....... well except myself and my husband!

My sister in-law doesnt seem to like me, trust me, approve of me, I cant work out what one it is, if anything. We have never quite got on, never had any arguements or anything like that and we are always civil and chat etc but it all seems very awkward and forced a little. The reason I bring this up is that I always feel awkward around Baby B when my sister in-law is there. This isnt because I feel awkward around babies, it is because I feel like she is watching me so carefully. I know it is her baby and I would be very protective but she doesnt seem to quiet watch other people the way she watches me. Then again maybe I am paranoid!!

Need to lose weight

My new years resolution is to lose weight, about half a stone for now. I have put this on since my wedding 7 months ago. I gave up smoking 2 months ago and a lot of the weight has gone on because of that but also because I have been far too relaxed about what I eat and definitely not exercising enough. I walk the dog twice a day and am always on my feet with my job but I really don't look after myself properly as far as eating proper food and at the correct times. I can easily skip breakfast and lunch and snack all day and then have a big dinner. Not good for my metabolism or weight. Must eat properly and go to the gym. I don't want to be a fat pregnant person!

I have been using my fertility monitor and have started peeing on the stick to tell me whether I have low, high or peak fertility. So far on day 7 and fertility is low which is no surprise. The only problem is it takes 5 Min's for the test to be run. I am finding it hard to hide it from the husband, I have to pretend I am on the toilet whilst it is running! I know I shouldn't hide it from him and he will be angry, hurt and upset if and when he finds out but I couldn't cope with him calling me obsessive anymore than he already does!

May have a long wait

I have been reading a few blogs about people who were TTC for years, had multiple IVF's only to find they were infertile. Some eventually became pregnant whilst others found themselves infertile. I feel terrible that I am obsessing so much and this is only my second month of trying. I shall try to obsess less and be happy with what I have as you never know, I maybe one of those people who find themselves infertile, I have endometriosis as it is. Then again on a more optimistic note I may fall pregnant this month, maybe that's more wishful thinking than optimism!!

84% chance

My period should be over by now, its been 6 days and I have had enough. I am desperate to start trying for a baby for real this month. I know I am obsessing a lot, what with my fertility monitor and me searching the net all the time.

I feel like I am being so secretive with my husband, him not knowing about my blog, my fertility monitor and the new baby book I have bought. I know I have possibly jinxed it by buying a baby book but I have only read the bit about conceiving. I will not read the rest until I am actually pregnant. I just want that to be soon.

I was reading on the net that 84% of couples will conceive within a year. That feels like an eternity. I have waited 3 months before my husband would consider us trying for a baby and that felt like such a long time.

Was over my husbands parents the other day and we were ordering a Chinese, I asked for satay chicken and he asks me if I am craving it, at those words his father jumped to conclusions, thought I was pregnant and nearly burst into tears!!! The in-laws are desperate for another grandchild and so I am. They obviously do not know we are trying for a baby but his mums seems to be telepathic and know everything which is going on.

Boxing Day

Im not a massive fan of xmas, not because im tight or anything, just because my parents are in the USA with my bro etc. Christmas day was quite good though, saw my 1 year old nephew which was great. I didn't enjoy it as much as I should as my period was still bad, still felt sick and was in a lot of pain.

Today has been better as far as the pain goes but I have been on duty all day and been out for most of the day. I am exhausted, feel bad that my husband has been in all day on his own but bless him he made a lovely boxing day meal. He'll make a great house husband! lol

Feel terrible

Have awful cramps, feel sick, can hardly move. My period is a bad one.

On a good not used my fertility monitor for the first time!!

Aunt flo has arrived

Didn't sleep well last night; had stomach cramps was restless etc and woke up to find my period had arrived at last!!! I must be mad being happy that my period is here but now I know how long my cycle length is and I can starting using my fertility monitor!! I am determined to get pregnant this month!!!

All I have to do now is cope with my horrible periods and hope I am not as ill as I was last month. I will be feeling better by christmas day which is good.

Too grumpy to be pregnant...

... was my husband's answer when I told him I was going to pee on a stick. Well I did it anyway and it came back as negative, no surprise but this was the first test I have actually done at the correct time. I was a little disappointment but I wasn't upset. This was for a few reasons, mainly was because it was the result I was expecting but also because I knew we hadn't been trying for a baby properly and thirdly it is only my first true cycle since coming off the pill. Thinking about it, why did I even think or hope I could possibly be pregnant?!?!? All the odds are def stacked against me this month!

Next month will be different, will be doing it properly and for real this time, this month was just a practice!

Problem is, my husband is going to call my obsessive, oh how little does he know just how obsessive I am!!!

The suspense is killing me!

Am I? Arnt I?

I bought up the subject of doing a proper pregnancy test and my husband reckons its silly as he doesnt think I am pregnant and nor do I but where is my period? You may have gathered by now that my Husband is not aware of me doing the previous 2 early pregnancy tests, I dont like to lie to him but on a need to know basis he doesnt.

I think I ovulated 15 days ago as I had a day of spotting and cramps so tecnically I should have my period 14 days after ovulating so I guess it is poss I could be pregnant? I guess I should bite the bullet and tell him I am going to do it, NOW... ahh scary as this time it feels real as I will be doing it with him..... I will keep you posted...!

Cycle day 29

So its day 29 of my cycle and my period is not here yet, I know I am being a but impatient but if I am not pregnant I want to be able to start using my fertility monitor a.s.a.p and get pregnant! I don't know how many days my cycle length is, as this is my first full cycle so this could be normal and actually I have a slightly longer cycle length than the text book cycle.

I am sick of waiting!

I am also so emotional at the moment, been in a bad mood all week, stomach cramps all week, tired all week, what is this? PMS? I guess I could take another pregnancy test as today is the first day I could properly take one....

Talking of emotion, anything on TV regarding babies or any sad stories I crying!! This is very out of character for me, I generally never cry at anything, I didn't even cry at Titanic!! lol!

Negative pregnancy test

Work is very quiet at the moment, its the time of year and the way the world is going, I am not complaining though as at times work is stupidly busy. I have been so tired this last week but I have no reason to be, not really been doing anything and been getting 8 hours sleep most nights.

I took another pregnancy test this morning, its still a couple of days early I know but I thought my tiredness could be due to me being pregnant (wishful thinking I know!!). No surprise but it came back as negative. I knew it would be, I am not really sure why I tested again, again just clutching at straws, wishful thinking, what ever you want to call it. I just wish I was pregnant.....

Stressful day yesterday

Nothing related to my TTC but my dog ran away yesterday. She was missing for about 3 1/2 hours which doesnt sound a long time I know but she is my baby at the moment. She escaped from a friends back garden and crosssed a very busy main road and then vanished for 3 hours. I ran around the whole town searching and calling her name but nothing. Most people who I asked if they had seen her were very polite and helpful but the next door neighbour who's garden she jumped into was very rude to me, refused to look in her garden and told me she was eating her lunch!!!! As it was strting to get dark my panic really set in as the temperature had dropped so low and she wouldnt know where she was as didnt know the area. I really though she was gone forever. I started to drive the roads looking for a dead dog on the side, but nothing. Eventually I get a phone call from some kids who managed to make friends and catch her, she had gone to the school. I was so relieved when I got to her I just hugged her and burst into tears!! She is fine, has lots of cuts and grazes on her and was very cold and sorry!! All is now well thankfully!

As far as aunt flo goes, she is nowhere to be seen at the moment and my stomach cramps have gone. I am feeling so tired at the moment, the last week I have been exhausted everyday.

Where is aunt flo?

Feeling exhausted, bad mood and stomach cramps but my period has still not arrived, where is aunt flo?!?!

I had a lovely (yeah right!) slim fast milk shake this morning for breakfast. I am desperately trying to lose weight as I don't want to be one of these fat pregnant people but I know if I became pregnant I would be. I lost quite a bit of weight for my wedding but after honeymoon I stopped dieting. Also I gave up smoking just under 2 months ago and so replaced fags with chocolate!! I am starting to cut down on the chocolate as not smoking is getting easier but I still love chocolate! My mission is to go to the gym seeing that I have membership and to eat healthier. I do eat healthy meals, its just the naughty food in between - must cut it out!!

Tender breasts

I have been in a bad mood and had extremely tender breasts, what does this mean? I'm thinking that I am most probably going through PMS but I am not sure at the moment. All I know is that my husband is giving me a wider birth at the moment and is too scared to talk to me in case I bite his head off!! I hope my period does come soon as I have my work xmas party on Saturday and I have a lovely new dress and I wont be able to fit in it if I am all bloated with period so either come now period or stay away until after Saturday!!! If it doesn't come by Sunday I am doing another pregnancy test.

I am so sure that I am not pregnant, sadly

Morning sex

We had sex this morning, I think that it is too late as I think I ovulated last weekend as I had some spotting for a day but you never know. I have only just come off the pill so i am not regular at the moment and I don't know my cycle length so I can not be sure when I ovulate. Think Im just clutching at straws though. Cant wait to get my period if I am not pregnant this month so I can start using my fertility monitor as the first day of your period is day 1 and it has to start from there. Unsure however how I am going to be able to test my urine every morning without my husband noticing!!

The beginning

I have Endometriosis and I am 24 years old. My doctor has told me I should start trying for a baby and that is what I am doing. I have been with my Husband for 8 years, we have been married for 7 months and I feel we are definitely ready.

My periods have always been extremely heavy and painful and I am usually quiet unwell, but the pill has managed to control some of the signs and I had a laser laparoscopy 4 years ago. Coming off the pill was hard, my first period was terrible, I was in bed for 2 days, I could hardly move, felt sick and was in so much pain. I told my husband I couldn't cope with this every month and we needed to start trying a.s.a.p. He told me not to be so obsessive and to be relaxed about it all. I understand the more you stress the less likely it is to happen, but I can not cope with the pain.

This month we have had sex 3times so far, but he has seen very reluctant and nervous about the possibility of me becoming pregnant. We had sex 2 days prior to me ovulating and I was hoping the timing was correct and that I could be pregnant. that was just over a week ago and I feel no different, I don't feel pregnant. I know it takes time, but I cant stand the wait so i took a pregnancy test yesterday morning. It was negative which didn't surprise me, I knew it would be but I just needed it to confirm it. I know its early and I have to wait until I have missed my period but that is another 7 days away which seems like a life time.

The problem is, I am obsessing, having a baby is all I think about and dream about. I want a baby so badly and I know because I want it so badly it wont happen, and that's what I am scared about. If it doesn't happen I will need another operation and I don't know if I can cope with that again.

I have bought a fertility monitor for next month but my husband doesn't know as he would tell me off. I am going to do it properly and get the timing right. Also I am not going to let him be so relaxed and hopefully have sex more. Surely a man should have a higher sex drive than this and more sex is what every man dreams of?!

He as the theory that if it happens it happens but I want it right NOW!