I really do not think that if we move on to adoption that it means we have given up. A few of my friends have been asking whats next and that's easy, we have 3 frosties so will use those to do FET#3. After that, we are not sure. We have been throwing the idea of adoption around and it's the road we most probably will go. A family is what is important to us, not necessarily a biological one, but that is 1st choice, which I do not think will happen.
Some of my friends are being supportive and think its a great idea for us, but a few have told me 'never give up'. That statement makes me feel bad. Makes me feel like we have not done everything possible to get our baby. If this next FET fails then we would have done 6 cycles, 3 failed IVFs and 3 failed FETs. I am not sure how much more I can put myself through physically and emotionally. This journey is soul destroying.
I am not under any illusion; the small amount I do know about adoption is that this journey will be unbelievedly hard, stressful and long but hopefully worth it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I had a limit for myself set in mind for how may IVF's I would do. My limit was 3 IVF's and however many FET's until we gave all of our embryo's a chance. I've heard of a few people that go on to do 5, 7, or even 10 IVF's. But I knew that wasn't for me personally. We just wanted a baby, and to grow our family! So we would've definitely went with adoption if it got to that point in our journey or maybe even before then because it was on my mind often. So I can understand what your saying. Also wanted to add.., that if you and your dh do decide to adopt.., that it's in no way giving up! It would only be " changing directions/paths in your journey to have still " your baby"
ReplyDeleteSorry for the lack of spacing on on my phone and it's giving me problems. Haha Back to what I was saying.. That by choosing adoption its not giving up:) I support you fully which ever path you take to have " your baby", become a mother, and grow your family. And I really believe that if you ever do adopt after you meet your baby.. Your 2nd choice will become your 1st choice:) if you do change paths i'm sure there will be many conflicting feelings that you will have along the way. Which is normal! Sorry for rambling on and on. My point was that by choosing to adopt its not giving up.. If
ReplyDeleteUgh.. It did it again it froze on me! Where was I? It's the opposite of giving up because your Still "never giving up" on having a baby(your baby). Much love and Hugs to you from the USA:)
ReplyDeleteCompletely unsolicited advice coming your way-I was reading some case studies from Dr. Sher-and was immediately struck by his take on managing Endo, and especially what it does inside the body-I had just read your cycle fail and recalled your fertility RX was part Endo and thought you might find these interesting? Here's a couple links to some of his articles on the topic:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ivfauthority.com/2009/05/endometriosis-and-infertility-common.html
http://www.ivfauthority.com/2011/11/case-study-poor-quality-eggsembryos-in_08.html
http://www.ivfauthority.com/2009/05/endometriosis-ivf-is-more-successful.html
Maybe something in there could give you a new approach to your next cycle and help you get on your road to becoming a mom faster?! I am a big fan of what I call a kitchen sink cycle when you are reaching the end of your rope-test everything under the sun, and then throw everything INCLUDING the kitchen sink at your body that cycle leaving no stone unturned.
You just have to find an RE who is willing to go along with that (more challenging than what one would think)!
Good Luck Lovey!
Adopting is not giving up. It's creating the family that you want. This infertility thing makes you miserable and makes you not be able to see what's really important. Is it great for the treatments to work and to end up pregnant? Definitely. Is it a greater joy to ultimately hold a baby in your arms that you love and who loves you? YES. It doesn't matter if that child is biological or not. Don't let anyone make you feel like you are giving up because you are thinking of going in another direction to get your family.
ReplyDeleteI do not believe adoption is giving up at all. It is just a different path to the same end result - your children. It will be just as hard and long, but the result will be just as amazing and beautiful.
ReplyDeleteAdoption is the furthest thing from giving up. What is most important to you is to have a family and you are doing everything in your power to make that happen. Sounds like fighting for what you want to me. Which is one of the best qualities to have as a mom.
ReplyDeleteAdoption is not giving up!!! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteIf your goal is to grow a family, then adoption is totally a good idea.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was researching adoption, one of the things that stuck with me was that adoption is NOT a last resort when ART doesn't work. It needs to be it's own decision. That made me pause and think. It also made me try one more time to get pregnant before trying to adopt. Et voila!
I'm so sorry this didn't work, again, Nic. I've been cheering for you. I do not believe that adoption is a way of "giving up" at all! In fact, in many ways it seems even more challenging than going through IVF. No matter how it happens, I pray that you will soon have the family that you dream about. However your child or children come into your life, I know they'll be loved very very much.
ReplyDeleteI don't think of adoption as giving up. I certainly know where that feeling is coming from. There is a bias in our society that biology makes a family. Some of that comes from ignorance. If you do go down the adoption road, you will probably get comments about being a "real" mother or don't you want your "own" kids. You can say yes to both of those things when you adopt. We decided not to go down the IVF road after doing some IUIs, so our journey was different. But our thought process in choosing adoption was that our goal was to have a child. There is risk (financial and emotional) in the IVF path and the adoption paths and we felt the adoption path was the better risk for us. Ultimately we chose adoption because while there is a good deal of uncertainty, we felt more certain that, eventually, even if it took many years, we would have a child. And we weren't sure that IVF could have that same guarantee. I would advise you now to think about where you are now and the risks/rewards that face your current situation.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's giving up at all. I think it's moving on to the next step in creating your family.
ReplyDeleteThe human soul is only built to deal with so much loss...maybe it's time to start giving yourself something (oh, and it would be awesome to give a child a home too, right?).
I just wrote a long, babbly comment that got eaten, I think, so let me cut to the chase: you're not giving up, you're building your family. And any child that comes into your life will be so incredibly lucky to have you as MOM.
ReplyDeleteI wholeheartedly agree with B!
xoxo
Kate