Where I had hoped to be:

This is my 200th post! Wow, I write a load of crap!! I thought that I would write a great, thought provoking post that would sum up my journey so far, of where I am and where I had hoped to be. Well here goes......

A year ago I visited my surgeon regarding my endometriosis and trying to get it sorted so that I could get pregnant. A year ago my DH and I was extremely serious about having a baby. A year ago I gave up smoking. I then proceeded to get depressed about not getting pregnant each cycle and then I put on weight. I had my 2nd laparoscopy in June and found out my endometriosis was too extensive and risky and so have had 6 months of ovary suppression and been on a break from TTC. I am now having my 3rd lap on 24th November to clear me out and assess my chances of conceiving. I have also lost a fair amount of weight.

When I started this journey (and sadly I am no where near the end, still at the beginning really) I thought that I would be pregnant by now. Not massively about to pop pregnant, just a little bit pregnant. I thought I would have my lap in June and that would make me more fertile and then by now I would just be peeing on a stick and getting a BFP. I was sadly deluded. I was way too optimistic and not realistic. Instead I have another lap to get through and recover from, I have another few months untill my body will start cycling, another few months untill I can start TTC again. Instead, I am grumpy, depressed, having hot flushes and am not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I cant wait untill the new year. I used to have a flashing icon of 2 lines in 2009 which was swiftly removed after my lap in June. I am now looking to start TTC in the new year and getting my BFP in 2010. DH and I are having serious talks about IVF and wanting to get put on the NHS waiting list so we can start an IVF cycle. I think that there is no point going through a year of try to conceive naturally if my surgeon thinks it wont happen. What is the point of trying for another year if it wont happen. I am an impatient person. I have been wanting a baby for over four years now. (I know some of you guys out there have been waiting longer, I hope it happens soon!)

It took me a long time to get to the point where I could cope off the pill and start TTC. To have 6 months of suppression and another lap just feels like time has stood still and I have been going backwards, this whole year has been a waste of time. I would never wish a break on anyone. Although a break is a good time to get your body and mind in shape it is still tough, boring and frustrating.

This year has been an amazing year for some of you and I am so happy whenever I see an IF get a BFP, it gives me hope that one day it will be me. I just hope that day comes soon...... bring on 2010 and my BFP!!