Nearly my bloggerversary; a reflection

Cant believe it, in 3 days time it would have been a year since I started this blog. A year since I found a release for all of my frustration and anger. A year since I was hopeful that I would get pregnant. A year since I faced up to the truth that I had infertility.

I would like to think that I will write a very thought provoking post on Sunday, but I doubt it!! I have my work Christmas party Saturday night, and although I dont feel 100% for a proper knees up, I am sure I will feel a little worse for wear on Sunday!

I am feeling so frustrated at the moment. I have been very frustrated since June when I went on the suppression injections. The 6 months of suppression was oh so hard, but I came to accept it somehow. It went quicker than expected and I managed better than I thought I would. Now however, the drugs are meant to be out of my system, I am meant to be back to good old Nic, I am meant to be able to get back into the TTC sadle. Sadly I am only seeing very small short glimers of my old self at the moment. Admitedly it was more than previously. Sometimes I feel a little happier, a little more affectionate, horny, but other times I am still grumpy and having dizzy spells and hot flushes like before.

I never though I would say this but I am longing to see AF! I know she will cause me so much pain and I will regret wishing for her to arrive, but at least it will show me I am ready, I am cycling, my ovaries have kicked back into gear and I will get my baby! Wow, that was a moment of optomism! It has gone already though!

I am awaiting my letter from the IVF doctor to have a chat and try to get myself on the waiting list. I am feeling so impatient to get this letter. I guess I am not that optomistic after all!!