Depression is sinking in fast. Being in limbo, waiting to find out when I will have more tests, having the worst period ever at the moment, wondering what horrible disease I have; MS or neurosarcoidosis and having to cancel my FET again. What do I have to look forward to?
The support group from my clinic is great, we meet now and again, chat online and have become friends. We were all booked in to cycle round about the same time, I got canceled (again) and now I am left behind. The clinic has had a major improvement in their success rates and it turns out that all the girls have got their BFP's over the last couple of months! It is great, I am so pleased for them all, but what about me? I feel so left behind. I feel everyone is moving on, becoming pregnant, which is great, but I am not.
I do not know what to do with myself. I do not know how I can keep going on like this. I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate how barren I am.
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Oh nic my dear my heart goes out to you...with these obstacles in your way of assisted conception is so hard and not knowing would drive me nuts too...you still have a plan but dont put a time limit on yourself ...please I know its hard especially when it feels everyone has zoomed past you and thats unfair..can you take some time out with hubby for a weekend to forget about everything and go have fun..see if you focus on good things in life or make a list its amazing when you do what you can come up with to try to get you feeling better...
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you. Wish I could take the pain away.
ReplyDeleteOh Nic, I'm so sorry. I know there are no words to make you feel better. I'm thinking of you at this hard time xxx
ReplyDeleteOh, man, I really feel for you. I had some health issues we had to address that delayed ttc also, and it is so, so frustrating. I had a long hiatus to lose the 75 lbs I needed to get to a healthy weight, and then another many months of no cycles followed that which meant that plans were put on hold even longer. I was cranky about the delay and I didn't even know that another couple of years of IF would be what awaited me at the end of the tunnel, rather than a baby.
ReplyDeleteSo, delurking to say that I really, really feel for you, and also that I hope that in the end you arrive where I'm at now -- glad in the end that I got my health issues taken care of first because it means that I'm confident that we did everything we could to ensure a healthy pregnancy. My losses would have been so much more painful if I hadn't, because I'd always wonder if I could have done something to prevent them.
(I'm 20w pregnant by FET right now, just as a heads up if you decide to head over to the blog, since I know some people really do NOT want to hear those sorts of stories when they're waiting: http://mesdamesplusbabies.blogspot.com )
Nic- It is SO hard to play the waiting game when everyone else around you seems to be moving forward. I am so sorry about all of this and I wish I could do or say something to make you feel better. I am just hoping that they can get to the bottom of this so that you can move forward with your next transfer. The fact that all of the other girls conceived is a VERY good sign, and just because you aren't there yet, doesn't mean anything, it just means that your time is coming. Hang in there friend!
ReplyDeleteNic, this is all so hard. I can't imagine the thoughts that go through your head on a daily basis. Have you thought of private counseling? The human soul is not built to deal with these sorts of problems alone...a little help may be in order and could really help.
ReplyDeleteThen again, I think everyone should be in therapy!
I am sorry sorry you are so beaten down at the moment. I don't know what to tell you other than I am sending up love to you, and hope this turns around for you.
ReplyDelete<3
Sorry you're feeling down. Please know that you are not alone. Find me (plus a load of ladies worldwide TTC) on Twitter. @IVF_Anon
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