One of my close friends and collegues told me today that she was pregnant. I did not handle it as well as I would have liked. I cried! She knows all about my IVF and has been so supportive through it all. Of course I am happy for her, but also so jealous. She wasnt even trying, same old story! She was stressing about how to tell me, she did not want to upset me and wanted me to tell me before I find out about this IVF cycle. It was sweet that she made an effort to tell me and tried to be sensitive. It is just a hard pill to swallow.
I wish I handn't cried. I feel bad that she was stressing about telling, I feel guilty that I cried when its such happy news for her. I feel shit that at work it is going to be a constant reminder of what I can not seem to have.
Gosh I feel like a bitch right now!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I have been following your blog and I want to encourage you to think positive thoughts, I understand you are protecting yourself in case this fails also...but I want you to talk positive words over yourself and over your body.
ReplyDeleteI am a believer in Jesus...A Christian, I have no idea who you are and what your faith level may be, but I KNOW that God hears us and answers prayers!
I am praying for you and I am giving you this scripture out of the bible as hope.
Psalm 113:9 ESV / 38 helpful votes
He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!
Speak this over yourself, allow yourself to be in his hands and his plan to take over.
If this seems just ridiculous to you I am sorry, I certainly do not want to offend you.
but I am praying for you and believing that someday your hearts desire will come to fruition.
http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/women/biblical-encouragement-for-couples-waiting-to-conceive-11608040.html
this was encouraging too.
Hope you are encouraged and please remember someone somewhere in the States in praying for you.
Oh man... that's tough. The only thing I can say is that with a tiny bit of luck, this will hurt a little less tomorrow, and hopefully even less the day after that, and soon it will be just another one of the facts of your life. It's the definition of bittersweet to get news like this, right? I will keep a positive thought for you.
ReplyDeleteYou are NOT a bitch. You are highly hormonal and medicated woman who has the right to cry when she's upset. Happy and upset. Or just happy. Or just because (been there, done that!)
ReplyDelete:( That is a tough one. Don't feel bad about crying...it happens! I know it was hard for her to tell you, but I also know it was harder for you to hear and for you to see. Hopefully this cycle will work and you can be pregnant together!
ReplyDeleteDon't be so hard on yourself! People that have not had "problems" getting or staying pregant have no idea what you go through day to day..it's hard!! My fertility clinic was on the 5th floor of the women and childrens center so believe me when I tell you several pregant women got to hear me rant and rave not in a good way to them in the elevator..just try to focus on this cycle and know that you have friends out here who are thinking, hoping, and praying for you!!
ReplyDeleteDont feel like a b*tch. Im sure she doesn't feel that way and you can't help the way you feel. Still, after having a child, I still get jealous and like this sometimes when it seems so easy for other people. I hate that feeling. I know it well.
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed for your cycle!!!
I did that one time too...try not to beat yourself up. I'm sure she understands as she was stressed on how to tell you. She sounds sensitive to the whole thing, so that's good, right? You're not a bitch. You're human.
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure your friend understands. Hearing news like this is hard.
ReplyDelete