I feel like an empty shell. I am depressed, I am moody, I am grumpy, I am down, I am not myself.
If I am like this before I even start my injections, what am I going to be like once I have all those hormones pumping around my system?
I think I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that my friend is PG but hasnt told me yet. I am, trying hard not let on that I know, trying hard not to be jealous. It is alwful, I should not be jealous, she is a fellow IFer, she had a misscarriage, she deserves this baby. I am very happy for her. Its just something about being with her all day at work knowing she is pregnant that is bringing me down.
I have no patience, I am sick of waiting for a baby, sick of waiting for IVF and I am sick of feeling like this. I do not like myself at the moment.
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*hugs* I am so sorry your having a rough time right now. Everyone gets into funks with IF. I hope you are able to break through it soon.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry that you are feeling depressed. It's completely understandable though! I would feel the same if I were in the same situation... most likely I probably would feel like I couldn't bear it at all. Just try not to beat yourself up for feeling like you do. I know its hard not to... cause no one wants to have those feelings. I guess my point is sometimes we just can't help the emotions that we have.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get to feeling better soon! I so can't wait till you start stimming for your ivf cycle:) not gonna lie though... looking back I was super crazy at times because of those hormones! Lol snapping for no good reason at all really. But not everyone reacts the same, so hopefully you won't have that problem.
Also want to say- thank you so much! I just got your card and gift today. And it truly made my day :) I love both the card n the very cute little sleepers! Your too sweet!
Huge hugs,
Hannah
Oh sweetie,
ReplyDeleteone more month
one
you are such a strong and resilient person- but that does not mean you are not also tender.
Waiting sucks ass, I know.
I wish I could make this next few weeks rush by.
as for your friend, shit, jealousy and sadness are perfectly understandable responses,
I know (and she'll know) you are happy for HER.
It is just it is so hard to be waiting so damned long for the same celebration for YOU.
take care of yourself.
2 more wednesdays.
xoxo
kate
There is absolutely no judgement for your feelings. You are entitled to feel all the things you are. IF is unfair and unjust...but you can do this! As a person, who often can be negative b/c I worry too much. I know exactly what you are going through.
ReplyDeleteI've begun trying to think about what will help me get into a zen state of mind. So far the injections have been going well and I have been facing them head on. You can do this!
I'm so sorry you're feeling down. I wish there was something I could say or do but i know there is really nothing anyone can do when you're feeling depressed. Know we are all here for you. If you ever need anything, I'm always here for you. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDelete"Everyone's getting pregnant, so when is it ever gonna be my turn" stream of thought is extremely demoralizing. What you're going through is completely understandable. But you're gonna get your shot at it really soon. So just focus on that thought! That may help you make it through the day even if you have to see her every day. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteI hope you're doing alright! This isn't the greatest of times, waiting is rough. But remember, we're almost there. In just a little while we'll actually be doing something PROACTIVE to get this thing rolling :) How exciting is that?
ReplyDeleteAllow yourself to feel down, it's natural. It's totally understandable. You've earned your down time for sure. Don't be mad at yourself!!! Good luck, I'm thinking about you.
ahh Nic, hang in there, you're so close now. I'm sending you loads of love and positive vibes, I hope the jealousy monster leaves you alone and that time starts to move a bit quicker for you.
ReplyDeleteLooks like you got a lot of love and support from these bloggers here.
ReplyDeleteI think in some way we all understand and feel what you are dealing with.
I currently have people in my family and very close friends who are pregnant,somedays I deal fine with the fact they are having a baby and other days I can't handle thinking of it.
Keep strong & Believe in yourself!
*hugs*