Three day weekend!!

I have worked 11 days straight and within that 7 nights as well!! I have been busy and it has been so stressful. I am exhausted but I have three days off now!

I have just been for a 4 mile run in the pissing rain! I did it in 40n Min's, so 10 min miles is not bad for me and my short clumsy legs!! I had my weigh in at fat fighters on Wednesday night and I have lost a couple more pounds! I am now down to my wedding weight!! I am very happy! The only problem is, when I look in the mirror I don't think I look any slimmer, I don't feel as slim as I did last year for my wedding. I must be slimmer though as I can now fit into my size UK 12 clothes (USA 8) which I couldn't before!

On suppression side of things, I am having a few hot flushes, few ups and downs emotion wise, but not too bad. I am due my next injection on Thursday which I am dreading. Not only because the needle is big, but because the side effects are bad in the first week and a half. This is my third injection though, so half way through the jabs! The ticker is going so slow though, wish I could speed up time. It feels these 6 months are a waste of my life.

I need chocolate....!

I am on this fat fighters diet and I had my weigh in last night. I had lost 1.5 pounds, so that's 6.5 pounds I have lost so far. Not bad. Problem is, I am so bored of fruit and vegetables and being healthy! Its fine most of the time but right now I have the biggest chocolate craving ever! I am having a fruity cereal bar instead! Yum!

Work is not quite taking away all of my thoughts regarding lack of TTC. I think I am doing well, I think I have pushed all of my wants and needs for a baby to one side for now and then I see a baby, a bump or something on TV and then all of my wants come flooding back to me and I find I get a little emotional. I just blame it on the medication and push everything away into a dark deep place and try to lock the door once more. Not healthy I know, but how else does one deal with wanting something so much you cant explain it and knowing you definitely cant have it for 6 months, but you may not ever be able to have it? I think I could cope better if I knew I was putting myself through this and there definitely would be a baby at the end. I would be more at peace with it. I guess you all know how I am feeling right now. A baby is never a certain thing, despite how much we want it.

Fat fighters *updated

My new goal, something to keep my mind off things; is weight loss. I have been trying to lose the weight I put on when I gave up smoking 8 months ago, I am trying to become more healthy, get in better shape. Trying to make my body perfect for once I can eventually start TTC. I am exercising a lot to help me tone and trim.

I have also joined a fat fighting group (I know I shouldn't call them that but I need some humour!). I have joined slimming world. A couple of my friends go and so will be good socially. It may give me the kick up the arse I need to lose this weight. The only problem is that it is so cheesy! You all get weighed, and then sit around in a circle and the coordinator announces how much people have lost or gained and we all clap, cheer or boo!. She never announces the actual weight we are. The diet is hard to follow at the mo, I need to keep checking in the book before I eat anything! I am sure it will get easier.

I love a goal!

***update***
Just to say this group fat fighters, really isn't my thing usually. I did find it very hard not to laugh out loud last night, its so cheesy!! I have tried many other diets and they have not worked so decided this was the next step. I have decided the humiliation may spur me on to lose weight!!