I am still here!!

I have been MIA, mainly because work has been so busy and I have had some deadlines. I have also been dieting and running and trying to get my body in better shape.

I can now say that next month I will be doing a FET!! I cant wait to get back on the crazy train again! Until then I shall try to remain patient and keep fit!

new diet and fitness regime!

Well since getting my MS diagnosis and the go ahead for my FET in September I am determined to get back into shape. I have put on about 7lbs during this year of IVF and I am determined to lose it before next go. I started running yesterday and have been eating healthy for the last couple of weeks. I am certainly struggling with exercising and making myself want to exercise, but I will keep going with it.

I will get my body and my mind back on track. I am determined that for once something good has to happen in my life. I am hoping that something is a fit body and a baby!
I guess I should keep dreaming, but dreams is what keeps is going right?!?

Trying to get back on track

This weekend DH and I started running again and eating healthy. I am determined to lose half a stone and get my body fitter. I am only a little over weight but I want to tone up and feel happier about myself. This get fit goal is to give me something to focus on. I do not know when I be cycling again. I do not know when our FET will be and whether I will get NHS funding or need to pay.

This month I am using the clear blue ovulation monitor and will see if I ovulate and when. Is pointless as one tube is blocked and the other is questionable.

Whilst I was running with DH this evening, all I could think was that I should not be running, I should be pregnant. This was not how things were meant to be.

Being healthy is so boring!!

I was enjoying the running, going to the gym and eating healthy. I am still enjoying it, but it is getting a bit boring to be honest. I miss eating chocolate, I miss cake, I miss ice cream. I am not saying I want to binge on it, but I do want to eat it some of the time!! I guess everything in moderation. Problem is, once I eat something naughty I become addicted and then must have it everyday for at least a week!!

Ovary suppression update: I have been grumpy, I have been emotional, I have had hot flushes and cold sweats. Nothing new basically! I am tiring of this suppression. It is so boring, it is going so slow. I want this to be over.

I have started to think about TTC, looking forward to the trying again. I guess the upsides are no periods and no heartbreaks with a BFN. I am however missing sex. The injection suppression my sex drive as well. It is crap. I hate these injections. I still have the marks on my belly from the 1st inj, as well as the 2nd and 3rd. Roll on number 4!

House buying stress

We are in the process of buying our first house which is very exciting! we found in nice three bed house with extension in our area and are getting it at a reasonable price. We we meant to exchange a week and a half ago and things were going well but all of a sudden everything has ground to a halt. We did not exchange, we don't know when we will exchange and I am about to tear my hair out! I am getting impatient, we just want to get our house now and move in! We have been house buying since April, the first house fell through, I really don't want this one to as well!!

I think the house buying stress and my break from TTC is spurring me on to keep running and dieting. The running seems to clear my head and stops me from thinking and gets rid of some of my stress which is good.

3rd injection is on Thursday. Not looking forward to being stabbed with a horse size needle but i keep telling myself this is the third injection, only 3 more left to go!!

No other news sadly. No monitoring my cycle, no monitoring my temperature, no analysing every twinge as there is nothing to analyse or monitor. I am still having hot flushes and some dizzy spells but I am managing ok.

Three day weekend!!

I have worked 11 days straight and within that 7 nights as well!! I have been busy and it has been so stressful. I am exhausted but I have three days off now!

I have just been for a 4 mile run in the pissing rain! I did it in 40n Min's, so 10 min miles is not bad for me and my short clumsy legs!! I had my weigh in at fat fighters on Wednesday night and I have lost a couple more pounds! I am now down to my wedding weight!! I am very happy! The only problem is, when I look in the mirror I don't think I look any slimmer, I don't feel as slim as I did last year for my wedding. I must be slimmer though as I can now fit into my size UK 12 clothes (USA 8) which I couldn't before!

On suppression side of things, I am having a few hot flushes, few ups and downs emotion wise, but not too bad. I am due my next injection on Thursday which I am dreading. Not only because the needle is big, but because the side effects are bad in the first week and a half. This is my third injection though, so half way through the jabs! The ticker is going so slow though, wish I could speed up time. It feels these 6 months are a waste of my life.

running and rabbit food

This is my life at the moment. I am taking my diet and exercise very seriously, which for me is strange. I have run a bit these past few years, have done a couple of 10k runs, but only because I made myself or had a point to prove. Today I went for a 4 mile run with my DH. The route was lovely and peaceful, the weather was great, I loved it. I cant believe I actually enjoyed my run! This is unheard of! The other thing I enjoyed was the fact that I am fitter than DH! Fitter than the man who has always ran and been fit, fitter than the man who ran the London marathon two years ago! Admittedly he has hardly ran since the marathon, but still, in the last 9 years I have never been fitter than him!

My lunch today was so boring, rabbit food and a boiled egg! I am trying to cut carbs out of my life, but how I miss them! I love bread, potatoes, pasta, rice, cereals...... I have also cut out sweets, cakes and chocolate. Dieting is so boring and I can see how people never stick at it for long! I have never been able to stick at a diet before, but I am determined to get to my target weight. This is my goal, this is my way of keeping my mind off my other stresses and worries. My mind is focused on getting my body fitter and slimmer.

Thanks to all regarding my last post and bleeding. I seemed to have stopped for the time being which is good, I am sure it was nothing to worry about. If it happens again I will call.

Running in the rain

I went out for a run at lunch time, in the pouring rain. I actually enjoyed it! I didn't notice the rain halfway round and now I have a bit of a high. I am pleased with myself that I managed to motivate myself to do this run. I am running for a few reasons; to lose weight, to get fit, and to keep my mind off stresses and worries.

I have 5 weeks to get down to the weight I want to be. I am 153 pounds and a BMI of 25.5 which I know is not too bad, a little over weight but I am sick of it. I am an in between size in clothes, I have what I call a 'muffin top' where my belly spills over the top of my jeans a little, it is not very attractive. Maybe because I am not in peak physical condition I haven't got pregnant yet? I would say unlikely as I am only a little overweight, but I don't want my weight to be even a slight issue.

Running; a great distraction

I am back into my keep fit regime again. Have started running in the mornings before work. I feel quite refreshed and ready for the day after my run. It is also a great distraction as I find my mind does not go into overdrive when I run, my mind is pretty much blank which is good. I have so much whirling around my head at the moment. Usual TTC stuff, work stuff, hospital appointment on Wednesday and now buying a house stuff!! Have found a house we love and am trying to sort a mortgage and then possibly put an offer in. So frustrating though as it is bank holiday weekend and everywhere is shut!! I am surprised my head does not explode with all the thinking, worrying and stressing I do!!

On a good note, I have lost 3 pounds this week!

On my run this morning I noticed some twinges and a bit of pain in my belly. I know it wasn't gas as went toilet before I ran (sorry TMI!) so I started to wonder.... Could it be implantation pain? I am on day 7 PO. I also noticed on my run that I could smell everything, the petrol leaking from a car, smell from a BBQ from yesterday, the blossom, cut grass and the pineapple in my orange and pineapple squash when I got back. Now I know you must all be thinking I am crazy right now, but I have never had a sense of smell. This is most likely due to me smoking for 9 years. I did however give up smoking 6 months ago and maybe my sense of smell is starting to come back and I noticed it on my run and when I got back because I was breathing deeper. Who knows. I could be speculating that I have a heightened sense of smell due to a another reason but I will not be silly enough to think that for more than 1 second................ OK that thought is now pushed from my mind!!

Went for a run again

Went running around forest with my dog and a friend with her dog again today. We went a bit further than yesterday but it was good. The dogs love it and is good for me on my trying to get fit and lose weight mission. I am wanting to lose the half stone I put on when I gave up smoking. Also it is a great distraction.

7 dpo and am now starting to think that if I did conceive I should be implanting some time soon. This time last month I had stomach cramps, no appetite and felt sick the whole time and I was sure I was pg and then got my BFN and AF. This month at the mo (obviously very early days) I feel fine, normal in fact. I am convinced that I am not pregnant.

One more week to go. Not sure if I will cope with running everyday though, my legs are killing me!

killing time during the 2ww

Only 6 DPO, times seems to be going so slow, such an agonising wait to see if AF will show her ugly face. I have decided not to keep breaking my life down into 29 day slots. I am wasting my life waiting to see if I should POAS or not to bother. I keep telling myself I will lose weight and be healthy etc. Well I decided to go out for a run this lunch time around the forest with my dog. She loved it and I am now knackered! I do however feel better for it and pleased with myself. I now need to drum up the motivation and go again tomorrow.

The only thing is that I am worried that if I am pregnant will I be harming the baby?

I keep waiting for this BFP and I am not going to wait and be obsessed anymore because it obviously hasn't worked so far!!!

I need something to do something to distract myself!