It has been a year

I cant believe I started this blog a year ago!! Where has the time gone? Down the shitter!
What have I achieved in this year? Fuck all, other than 2 laparoscopies, 6 months of ovary suppression, and did I mention fuck all!

Having IF, having endo, having hypothyroidism has turned me into a different person. I am even more cynical than before, even more pessimistic, even less hopeful, but I am also stronger. I have an even tougher layer of protection over me. I have been through a fair amount in my life and I have survived it so far (literally, I had TB when I was younger) and I shall continue to get through it all.

I am so lucky, I have such a wonderful DH. Although he can be a bit grumpy and a bit distant sometimes, he has always been there for me, he has got me through so much, he has been my rock. I am so lucky to have him!

As far as DH goes, he doesnt tend to talk that much about my IF and how it makes him feel as he said that he worries about me geting more upset and worried about him and me feeling guilty. Lets face it, its my body that is fucked, his sperm is fine. However he always reminds me it is both of us in this relationship and both of us who has these problems. It is great that he is so supportive. I still feel guilty though! The other day we were watching one of our favourire programs and the couple in it were TTC and we found out they had been for a year and with no sucess. DH got upset, he couldnt watch it anymore, he said he didnt need anymore reminders of what we are going through. The other day he also got upset when we had another friend anounce they were PG. I never cope with PG anouncements, but never realised that DH doesnt either, he just hides it well. It is great to know that he feels the same and is as upset as I am that our dream of a baby has not come true yet.

So, where do I want to be in one years time? Obviously holding my baby! Realistically a little bit pregnant!

On a final note, (well done if you have read this far!!!!) I hate the fact that I am infertile, rather than I have infertility. Just a thing I saw on one of my bloggy friends and they are so right. IF has consumed me and I hate what it has done to me. I will beat the bitch, I will win!