Laparoscopy and hysteroscopy booked....

Just got back from the hospital. I thankfully didn't need another US. He just asked how I had been, I told him not good and explained. In a nut shell he says he needs to have a look inside and see whats going on so I am booked in for a laparoscopy and hysterscopy on the 2nd June. I asked about a HSG and he says they don't do that anymore as a procedure on its own. I will have it done at the same time as my operation. I am not happy in a way, I really don't want another operation. I didn't bounce back as well as expected last time. Also trying to get a few weeks off work will be a challenge.

I hate women's health clinic waiting rooms. It was full of heavily pregnant women, all talking about their pregnancies and rubbing their large bellies. Spot the infertile couples was quite funny. There we were sitting there silently and another older couple sitting opposite us. They also were not speaking. I noticed how we both had out handbags sitting on our lap and cuddling them to our empty bellies. I felt for them, they really had looks on there faces that they had been at this a long time.

I have mixed feelings at the mo about the operation and will have to work through them. I am pleased I am being taken seriously and they are looking into it but am scared, nervous, worried, apprehensive etc...

Off to see the Dr

Have my hospital appointment this morning to review my endometriosis, my TTC efforts and how I have been coping off the pill. I can say now, I have not coped being off the pill. My endometriosis and pain has got more severe every cycle.

I have been charting my cycles for the last 5 cycles so will take a quick summary with me. I don't know if he will be interested as he is purely seeing me due to endo but you never know.

I am nervous about having the ultrasound and the wand up me. Thankfully AF has not arrived yet so I don't have the ick factor to contend with as well.

I am going to ask if I can have a HSG performed and then poss be referred on to an RE if nothing found on HSG. I know I have fertility issues as have endo, I don't see the point of hanging around waiting when things can get done. Gonna get the ball rolling I think. We shall see what the Dr says. the unhelpful thing is that I think DH wants to just ride it out, wait and see, it may happen one day. That is not good enough for me!

Oh I took a HPT and got a BFN. Not too suprised as only cycle day 9, just wanted to check though before goingt o the hospital that I wasnt by some miracle pregnant!

Running; a great distraction

I am back into my keep fit regime again. Have started running in the mornings before work. I feel quite refreshed and ready for the day after my run. It is also a great distraction as I find my mind does not go into overdrive when I run, my mind is pretty much blank which is good. I have so much whirling around my head at the moment. Usual TTC stuff, work stuff, hospital appointment on Wednesday and now buying a house stuff!! Have found a house we love and am trying to sort a mortgage and then possibly put an offer in. So frustrating though as it is bank holiday weekend and everywhere is shut!! I am surprised my head does not explode with all the thinking, worrying and stressing I do!!

On a good note, I have lost 3 pounds this week!

On my run this morning I noticed some twinges and a bit of pain in my belly. I know it wasn't gas as went toilet before I ran (sorry TMI!) so I started to wonder.... Could it be implantation pain? I am on day 7 PO. I also noticed on my run that I could smell everything, the petrol leaking from a car, smell from a BBQ from yesterday, the blossom, cut grass and the pineapple in my orange and pineapple squash when I got back. Now I know you must all be thinking I am crazy right now, but I have never had a sense of smell. This is most likely due to me smoking for 9 years. I did however give up smoking 6 months ago and maybe my sense of smell is starting to come back and I noticed it on my run and when I got back because I was breathing deeper. Who knows. I could be speculating that I have a heightened sense of smell due to a another reason but I will not be silly enough to think that for more than 1 second................ OK that thought is now pushed from my mind!!

Great day

My Parents in-law and Baby B came over today. Was great to see him as he is now walking and starting to talk. Haven't seen him for a couple of months and the change is remarkable. I loved being with him. I did however have a moment and have to walk away when in the park and pretend I was taking the dog for a wee. Basically my DH was playing with Baby B on the swings and down the slide etc and I started to think how he would be a great dad and start to wish we had a baby. Sounds reasonable I know but I didn't want to put a dampener on a good day.

My grandparents also came to visit this morning briefly which was nice. It was the first time they had been to our house in a year. They wanted to discuss a bit of business with us and we now have great hopes in being able to buy our first house...maybe...hopefully.

I am sadly not hopeful about this cycle. My DH thinks I gave up this cycle but really wasn't the case. I didn't ovulate until day 20 which was so strange. The only upside to that was we could BD when I got back from my business trip. Also it means that I shouldn't have my period when I go see my Dr on Wednesday and be intimate with the wand again. Thank goodness as I was so worried about the pain, but also the ick factor!

I am still alive!!

Sorry to everyone for not reading, commenting and posting. This week has been stupidly busy. 1st time I have been online in 5 days and I am normally on everyday. I hope all is well. I am in the process of reading and catching up!!

Not much going on with me other than working LOADS. I am on CD5. Managed to get a little BD in but as some of you have said it only takes once! Trying to distract myself whilst on the joyful 2ww!

Have to tidy my house which is a mess! Have my grandparents, in-laws and nephew Baby B coming over in about an hour!

Im back

My business trip was ok but I really missed my DH.

My cycle is really confusing me this month. I have finally today (CD19) got a peak on my fertility monitor!! I usually ovulate day 17 so who knows what is going on! On the up side I came home this eve which means we can do some BD! I knew I would get a peak this morning as I have been so horny this weekend!!

Not sure what is going on with DH as I have trying to make advances and he has brushed me off every time! I havent seen him for 3 days and though he would be missing me but sadly not! Who knows what is up with him. I told me I am using him for his sperm. Maybe I should have disagreed....!

I experienced what two lines look like today for the first time. Sadly it was on an ovulation pee stick but It made me think of what it would feel like to have it on a HPT! I can not allow myself to think like this. Even though I am ovulating any minute I feel this cycle is a dud. I am late with ovulation and this cycle has not been normal. I def have not had enough BD! I guess it is not over yet!

Planning is not erotic!

Had a conversation with DH about planning when to have sex!! Really takes the exciting part out of it!! We are busy tomorrow night and Friday I am off on a business trip at 6am! He has decided we will have sex Thurs evening and set our alarm for 4.30am to have sex before I go!! now is it me or is planning it like this take the least erotic thing in the world!! It seems like sex is a chore! It really isn't but the planning is not good!!

Looks like I will be ovulating day 16/17 which is Fri/Sat according to fertility monitor. I am confused however; I started taking my basal body temperature this cycle and I dipped 2 days ago and got a peak this morning. Does that mean I should have ovulated? I haven't according to my fertility monitor and ovulation predictor sticks so I am confused!!