Itchy feet or just the injections and life?

I am currently writing my CV to apply to a new job. I have been working as a veterinary surgeon at the practice for the last 2 and a bit years since qualifying. The job is hard work, stressful and long hours but so is most veterinary jobs. I am wondering whether I am looking for a new job because I really have had enough of this job, or is it because of my suppression injections and the TTC break and everything that is going on with my health?

Am I crazy to be looking for a new job when really all I want is a baby?
Should I be putting my life and career on hold just in case I get pregnant next year?

I don't know what to do? I didn't apply for any jobs the beginning of the year when I was unhappy as I though I would become pregnant and then leave anyway. This obviously hasn't happened! I am worried if I do the same again the end of this year and next year and put my life on hold I will be miserable? I may not get pregnant next year anyway? What do you all think? If I do apply I most probably wont get the job anyway

Being healthy is so boring!!

I was enjoying the running, going to the gym and eating healthy. I am still enjoying it, but it is getting a bit boring to be honest. I miss eating chocolate, I miss cake, I miss ice cream. I am not saying I want to binge on it, but I do want to eat it some of the time!! I guess everything in moderation. Problem is, once I eat something naughty I become addicted and then must have it everyday for at least a week!!

Ovary suppression update: I have been grumpy, I have been emotional, I have had hot flushes and cold sweats. Nothing new basically! I am tiring of this suppression. It is so boring, it is going so slow. I want this to be over.

I have started to think about TTC, looking forward to the trying again. I guess the upsides are no periods and no heartbreaks with a BFN. I am however missing sex. The injection suppression my sex drive as well. It is crap. I hate these injections. I still have the marks on my belly from the 1st inj, as well as the 2nd and 3rd. Roll on number 4!

Many awards!!

Thanks to everyone who has given me this award, it means a lot to me.

The rules of the “One Lovely Blog Award” are: Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.
I am afraid I am going to cheat as I read over 90 blogs and it would be too hard for me to pick my favourite 15. I award this to everyone who's blog I read and comment on
(sorry, realise it is a bit of a cop out but too hard to choose!!)

Faced with a big bump

A lady bought her cat in to see me this morning and she had the biggest bump ever. I had to carry on treating her cat, talking to her and all I wanted to do was scream and run out of the room or stare at the bump constantly. Of course I remained professional and didn't talk about this bump. All of a sudden the lady announced she had to let go of the cat because she was getting beaten up from the inside. That was nearly enough to tip me over the edge. Once the consultation was over I had a 30 min drive to my next branch. I spent the whole journey in tears. I want that to be me, I want to have a bump, have a baby growing inside me.

It amazes me how badly I am coping. I though I was doing well, thought I was coping but I am not. I have just brushed it all under the rug and trying to ignore and forget. That's how we get through it all though isn't it. By ignoring and carrying on.

Liver results

My Dr said that my liver nodules are most probably benign focal nodular hyperplasia, poss due to me being on the pill for 10 years. Apparently they react to the oestrogen. He suggested another MRI but I was reluctant so they will biopsy at the same time as my next laparoscopy which will be December ish. I am fine with this, I saw the MRI and saw the pictures. The nodules are on the surface of my liver and are small. I need to have another lap anyway so they might as well biopsy whilst they are there.

I am feeling a little happier. Am off out for a meal with my DH to sort of celebrate and spend time together as havent seen him really for a few weeks.

off to see the liver specialist

My appointment with the liver specialist is this afternoon. Hopefully he will have my MRI with him so he can point out my nodules and tell me he isn't worried. They are just an incidental finding, I have always had them, they are not going to be a problem. This is my hope.

I am a little nervous, have so many other options running around my head as to what these nodules in my liver could be. I don't know if I could handle it if it was anything bad.

Hangover from hell!

Went out with the girls from work last night and it turned into a heavy session!! I haven't had a drink for months because of my injections and the hot flushes and before that because of TTC and trying to get my body in shape. Well last night I think I had one too many!! I don't remember what I did when I got home but I woke up this morning with no clothes on, in bed and with a stinking hangover!! I laid in bed for about 4 hours, took a few pills and have finally braved getting up!!

Was a great night, had a laugh and was the first time I have felt happy for a long time. I was a little too drunk though. The thing that clarified it was when my friend reminded me that I found a pink barbie scooter and was scooting around pub car park at midnight!! My friend K took some photos! I am just waiting for them to appear on facebook. I really hope they don't!!

My side effects are in full swing though. I have spent most of the weekend sitting on the sofa in tears. Stupid things keep setting me off. I don't know what I am crying about half the time. It is just the stupid injections. The crap thing is that DH is away working this weekend and I am missing him. I hate it, he always seems to be away the weekend after my injection which is when I am the most emotional and vulnerable. DH is away again in 4 weeks time, the weekend after injection number 4 and he will be away for 5 days. Really not looking forward to it. I am quite independent and not very needy, I just miss him and miss his hugs. His hugs make me feel safe and make me feel like everything will be OK. Maybe it is a good thing that he does not wittness me in tears all the time, it wouldnt be fair in him.

Since us deciding we were going to start TTC, we have had to deal with my endometriosis, my operation, my injections, my side effects, my MRI and liver nodules, my operation in a few months and the thought of maybe having to go down the IVF route. It is has thankfully bought us even closer which is a good thing as it has the potential to tear us apart. I am very lucky and thankful that I have a wonderful DH. I have always known it but sometimes reminding yourself is not a bad thing.