MRI today

I had my MRI of my brain and spine today. It was hard to stay calm, I am so claustrophibic. They had to wedge my head in place to keep it still and had a metal grill over the top of my face. It took forever and halfway through they took me out, still wedged in, injected me with contrast and then put me back in and then did it all again!

Things are so quiet on my blog at the moment as I am in limbo and finding it hard. I am still reading and trying to keep up, but not have a lot to report my end.

I hope I get answers in a few weeks so that I can find out if I can go through with my FET. I was meant to be having my baseline in a week, but instead I am wondering if I stay on the pill until my diagnosis or if I come off and TTC the old fashioned way.....

wow, its been a while

I think this must be the longest I have gone without posting, other than if I go away. I have stepped back a little from this blog. It has only been temporary, but I needed the break. I needed to stop thinking about IF, about my cancelled FET, about whether I will ever have a baby.....

I am still waiting for an MRI of my brain and spine. I now have a date for the 7th April. Until I have this I am in limbo. I do not know why I am still numb and tingling from the waist down. I do not know if this will be forever, if this will progress, if this will prevent me from carrying a baby. I realise that I need to actually get PG, but not knowing if I can try is a hard thing to take.

Liver results

My Dr said that my liver nodules are most probably benign focal nodular hyperplasia, poss due to me being on the pill for 10 years. Apparently they react to the oestrogen. He suggested another MRI but I was reluctant so they will biopsy at the same time as my next laparoscopy which will be December ish. I am fine with this, I saw the MRI and saw the pictures. The nodules are on the surface of my liver and are small. I need to have another lap anyway so they might as well biopsy whilst they are there.

I am feeling a little happier. Am off out for a meal with my DH to sort of celebrate and spend time together as havent seen him really for a few weeks.

off to see the liver specialist

My appointment with the liver specialist is this afternoon. Hopefully he will have my MRI with him so he can point out my nodules and tell me he isn't worried. They are just an incidental finding, I have always had them, they are not going to be a problem. This is my hope.

I am a little nervous, have so many other options running around my head as to what these nodules in my liver could be. I don't know if I could handle it if it was anything bad.

MRI results

Received a letter this morning from the hospital with my MRI results. Not what I was hoping for..... they found 2 nodules 16mm and 11mm on my liver. They think are benign but not sure so I am being sent to a liver specialist and need to have another MRI in 6 months time! I cant do it again. I was so claustrophobic last time, I nearly had a proper panic attack and meltdown. I got through it knowing it would all be over soon. To know that I need to do it all again, I am not sure how I will manage it. 1hr 10 Min's is a long time to be strapped to a table, pushed in a tiny tube and lay still, especially when you are so claustrophobic. Also, what if they are not benign, how do they know? They haven't done a biopsy so they can not say for def that they are not tumours, what if it is cancer? It cant be cancer, I feel fine, there is no pain, no signs, no illness, they just happened to find them. They must be benign, right?!

I am stressing, panicking and upset. I was expecting them to say that they couldn't find the nodules, my surgeon were imagining them, or that nothing to worry about, end of.

This afternoon to take our mind off things we went for a 9k walk around a lovely forest by us. Maddy the dog loved it and we felt very calm and relaxed. we tried not to think of any of our worries and it was lovely.

Three years ago today my wonderful DH proposed to me. Happy Independence day to USA and happy anniversary to me!

Traumatised

The MRI was awful from start to finish. I had to dress in scrub top and bottoms and sit in the waiting area nervously. I was on my own so had no one to chat to. A guy came out of the MRI room and announced it was terrible, horrible, the worst thing he has ever had to do. He said he had to be in there for 12 minutes, good job it was no longer as wouldn't have been able to cope. Well, that nearly tipped me over the edge as I am so claustrophobic and I had to be in there for over an hour!


I needed to have a cannula placed which is fine, except I have crap veins. They decided they would let the trainee technician have a go on my veins. She tried to go for my left elbow, it was so bloody painful and the vein blew. She then tried my hand, it blew again. They the got the pro to try and he got it 1st time. I know people have to train, just not on me!



I then got strapped to the MRI table which was scary enough for a claustrophobic person, and then got pushed straight into the MRI without any warning. I hadn't closed my eyes and I didn't have my head phones. I panicked and yelled for them to get me out of it. The guy then made me turn around look in the MRI, it was open the other end and there was plenty of air! That calmed me down a little. I then decided to 'man up' and get on with it. I put my head phones on, closed my eyes and in I went. The tube was so narrow, the top was only a few inches above my head. I listened to my music, singed and counted the time down. I was in there for 1 hour 10min's. It felt like a life time. I had a panic attack half way through and really wanted to push the button for them to get me out, but I managed to calm myself down. I was in tears though. I told myself if I got out they would only have to start it all over again.

By the time I was pulled out I was just about ready to scream and push the button. The machine was loud which didn't bother me. It was the claustrophobia that was scary. I felt so enclosed. So pleased I didn't open my eyes through out as I would have freaked out.

I felt traumatised for a few hours afterwards. Sounds silly but it was horrible. I don't know how I kept it together. I don't know if I could do it again. I now have a three week wait to get the results!

MRI today...

I am off to work for 3 hours and then have my MRI. I am a bit nervous about it, but I have been through far worse in my life. It is not like it is going to hurt, they are not doing anything invasive. I just need to tell myself to 'man up'!! I did a CD last night of all my favourite, upbeat/loud rock songs so I can have that played whilst in my MRI, they said they will provide head phones. That will keep me calm as I sing along. I have decided to sing loudly as no one will be able to hear me!!

Going back to work yesterday was great for a few reasons, got to see all my co-workers/friends who are a great laugh and got to take my mind off all my TTC worries. My job is so busy and stressful, which is not great at times, but actually just what I need right now!

I will update later on to let you all know how well, or how badly my MRI went!

IComLeavWe: June

Welcome all. Some of you may know me, others not so I will give you a little run down of myself and my blog. Thanks for visiting!!

• I am 25, married and a veterinary surgeon.
• I have a rescue doe g called Maddy
• We are TTC our first child but isn't quite going to plan
• I have stage IV endometriosis and hypothyroidism
• I had my 2nd laparoscopy 3 weeks ago. They could not remove all of the endo and so I am on injections to supress my ovaries for 6 months. I will then be having my 3rd lap to remove the rest of my endo

On a side note: I am back to work tomorrow after 3 weeks off work. Wow I am lucky to have such a long time off!! In some ways and looking forward to going back. seeing all of my colleagues who are good friends, I have missed them!

I have my MRI on Tuesday to check the nodules on my liver that they found during my lap. I am feeling so nervous, I am so claustrophobic! I am also nervous about the results of course!