Awaiting AF

I am on CD16. DH is away for the next few days, so its a good job we are having a cycle off. I now have another 2ww, but this time it is for AF to show up. Once she has shown up I can book my baseline scan and get going with this FET!

What is it with IF and bloody 2ww's! The time goes so slow. I think infertility is such a frustrating thing to have. It is all about waiting, hoping, and a bit more waiting.

I hate to think what we will do is this FET does not work. We are already looking at having a June baby if this FET works. I never thought that we would be waiting till June 2011 at the very least for a baby. I was sure I would be having a baby in 2009. It is funny how delusional you can be at the start of the TTC journey. You know you have endometriosis, hypothyroidism and fertility issues but you still think all will be fine. My mum had me, my nan had my mum, surely I can have a baby like them. I realise I still can (possibly, maybe, hopefully), but I am getting impatient. I want a baby and I want one now!!!

FET Schedule

I had my appointment with the nurse yesterday. It was not how I imagined it. It was rushed, she threw dates at me and I got confused and then annoyed. I told her I did not understand what was going on, no one had even explained the FET protocol with me. She briefly explained it and then threw more dates at me. She started off by giving me September dates then said they were fully booked for September and so gave me October dates but they were all in the middle of my holiday to Cornwall. She then got angry with me and said I didnt tell her about Cornwall but she didnt ask about holidays and I thought we were doing it in September!!

To cut a long story short, the nurse left the room to book it in and DH told me to calm down and stop being rude. I was confused!! When she came back in I was calm, she told me there had been a cancellation for September and so it was meant to be! The dates she gave me for September conflicted with my weekend on duty at work,(we get a rota and it is compulsory!) The nurse told me I should get my priorities right and 'whats more important, work or a baby?' I was shocked. I wish people understood. A baby is the most important thing ever, but my weekend duties are on a rota and you HAVE to do it. How dare she say that to me!!

I have obvioulsy taken the dates and spoke to one of my collegues, we have managed to swap weekends thankfully!!

Protocol: Day 1 of cycle hopefully 9th/10th September, baseline scan 13th September, second scan 22nd September and hopefully transfer 24th September!! I will be on suprecur injections (lupron) and oestrogen tablets from my baseline and then progesterone suppositories from 2 days before my transfer. I cant belive that in one month's time I will be PUPO again!!

This is coming around fast!! I am so ready to be pregnant! I just hope that both of our frosties thaw OK and we can stick them both in.

Doing a little better

Thanks to all who have checked in on me. I am doing OK. Of course still upset and keep thinking how pregnant I would be if it had worked, but I am thinking like this less now.

I have not posted as nothing to say. I have still been reading everyone's blogs though.

I am looking forward to Tuesday. I will find out when we will be able to do our FET. Soon hopefully.

My boss who I really dislike tried talking to me about my failed IVF. I did not want to talk to him about it, especially when he tried to talk about living child free! That is not even a conversation I want to have with DH, let alone my twat of a boss. I tried to change the subject quickly before I got upset!

Not a lot to report

I am just trying to mend my heart, trying to get over the bitter dissapointment of this BFN. It is hard to carry on as normal, carry on with a smile on my face at work.

I am looking forward though. Thinking of the two frosties that are waiting for us, our two frozen potential babies. Hopefully they will be the ones.

Thank you all for you support and encouragement. It is hard at the moment. I want to talk about things and DH is retracting into his shell. I guess we both deal and cope with things diffently.

Thank you all for your support

DH and I are devastated about our BFN. We were so certain it would work, we put two good embies in, what could possibly go wrong, eh? I dont know whether they stopped growing or whether they didnt implant. I dont know whether it was the embies that were no good or my uterus?

I rang the clinic this morning to say I got a BFN and that I got my period. They told me my notes would be reviewed and they would get back to me with what the plan may be next time. Thankfully I have two frosties waiting to be put back in. Hopefully we will get to do a FET soon.

The progesterone has stopped, the pain is bad, I am depressed. I still have another two days of work until I can spend time with my DH, until I can properly cry and just take it all in. At the moment I having to pretend all is well, carry on with work as if all is normal when inside, I am crying, devastated and so so down.

Thank you to everyone who was supportive, encouraging and went through this IVF with me. I am so upset for all us who have just got our BFN's. Next time we will get our dream (fingers crossed).

My period has started

I have no words, only tears.

I'm stuck at work, feel so alone and upset.
It's over. Eggbert and Shelly are no more....

Think it's over.....

It's 10dp3dt and I got another BFN. I also have horrific cramps, AF is def coming cramps.

After I POAS, DH and I just laid on the bed hugging and crying together. We are both certain it is over. The pain is getting unbearable with my cramps, I'm going to have to take some paracetamol, which most probably won't touch it, but I can't take anything else till we know for sure.

I hare that I don't have a beta. I hate that I have to POAS stick and then I have to ring the clinic with the bad news. That's fucked up right?

So so disappointed. The pain in my heart and in my belly makes me wanna stay in bed forever, sadly have to go work and pretend nothing is going on.