Not much going on in my TTC life. Am in limbo at the mo and for the next 5 months. Its been 1 month since my injection, 1 down, 5 more to go!! Am off for my 2nd injection on Thursday. Not looking forward to it, firstly because it is a painful depo injection, but secondly because it means I am putting myself through the menopause for another month. I am very tempted not to get it done, but I know it wont make my endo better which is the whole point of these injections.
As far as side effects go, they have calmed down quite a bit. I have the odd hot flush or cold sweat. Have had a few headaches but nothing major. The worst is when I drink alcohol, I have a terrible hot flush. I am on a diet though so I am not really drinking alcohol at the moment anyway.
I miss chocolate and alcohol and cakes and sweets and biscuits......mmm........!
I am determined to get in shape for 6 months when I will be ready for TTC again. Must lose weight, must ignore cravings!!
Tuesday, 30 June 2009
Saturday, 27 June 2009
Give some love
Dear Misty has just lost her baby at 8 weeks after IVF and is having to have a D&C on Monday. Please go and give her some love, support and let her know she is in our thoughts.
I am so sorry Misty
I am so sorry Misty
Thursday, 25 June 2009
I need chocolate....!
I am on this fat fighters diet and I had my weigh in last night. I had lost 1.5 pounds, so that's 6.5 pounds I have lost so far. Not bad. Problem is, I am so bored of fruit and vegetables and being healthy! Its fine most of the time but right now I have the biggest chocolate craving ever! I am having a fruity cereal bar instead! Yum!
Work is not quite taking away all of my thoughts regarding lack of TTC. I think I am doing well, I think I have pushed all of my wants and needs for a baby to one side for now and then I see a baby, a bump or something on TV and then all of my wants come flooding back to me and I find I get a little emotional. I just blame it on the medication and push everything away into a dark deep place and try to lock the door once more. Not healthy I know, but how else does one deal with wanting something so much you cant explain it and knowing you definitely cant have it for 6 months, but you may not ever be able to have it? I think I could cope better if I knew I was putting myself through this and there definitely would be a baby at the end. I would be more at peace with it. I guess you all know how I am feeling right now. A baby is never a certain thing, despite how much we want it.
Work is not quite taking away all of my thoughts regarding lack of TTC. I think I am doing well, I think I have pushed all of my wants and needs for a baby to one side for now and then I see a baby, a bump or something on TV and then all of my wants come flooding back to me and I find I get a little emotional. I just blame it on the medication and push everything away into a dark deep place and try to lock the door once more. Not healthy I know, but how else does one deal with wanting something so much you cant explain it and knowing you definitely cant have it for 6 months, but you may not ever be able to have it? I think I could cope better if I knew I was putting myself through this and there definitely would be a baby at the end. I would be more at peace with it. I guess you all know how I am feeling right now. A baby is never a certain thing, despite how much we want it.
Tuesday, 23 June 2009
Traumatised
The MRI was awful from start to finish. I had to dress in scrub top and bottoms and sit in the waiting area nervously. I was on my own so had no one to chat to. A guy came out of the MRI room and announced it was terrible, horrible, the worst thing he has ever had to do. He said he had to be in there for 12 minutes, good job it was no longer as wouldn't have been able to cope. Well, that nearly tipped me over the edge as I am so claustrophobic and I had to be in there for over an hour!
I needed to have a cannula placed which is fine, except I have crap veins. They decided they would let the trainee technician have a go on my veins. She tried to go for my left elbow, it was so bloody painful and the vein blew. She then tried my hand, it blew again. They the got the pro to try and he got it 1st time. I know people have to train, just not on me!
I then got strapped to the MRI table which was scary enough for a claustrophobic person, and then got pushed straight into the MRI without any warning. I hadn't closed my eyes and I didn't have my head phones. I panicked and yelled for them to get me out of it. The guy then made me turn around look in the MRI, it was open the other end and there was plenty of air! That calmed me down a little. I then decided to 'man up' and get on with it. I put my head phones on, closed my eyes and in I went. The tube was so narrow, the top was only a few inches above my head. I listened to my music, singed and counted the time down. I was in there for 1 hour 10min's. It felt like a life time. I had a panic attack half way through and really wanted to push the button for them to get me out, but I managed to calm myself down. I was in tears though. I told myself if I got out they would only have to start it all over again.
By the time I was pulled out I was just about ready to scream and push the button. The machine was loud which didn't bother me. It was the claustrophobia that was scary. I felt so enclosed. So pleased I didn't open my eyes through out as I would have freaked out.
I felt traumatised for a few hours afterwards. Sounds silly but it was horrible. I don't know how I kept it together. I don't know if I could do it again. I now have a three week wait to get the results!
I needed to have a cannula placed which is fine, except I have crap veins. They decided they would let the trainee technician have a go on my veins. She tried to go for my left elbow, it was so bloody painful and the vein blew. She then tried my hand, it blew again. They the got the pro to try and he got it 1st time. I know people have to train, just not on me!
I then got strapped to the MRI table which was scary enough for a claustrophobic person, and then got pushed straight into the MRI without any warning. I hadn't closed my eyes and I didn't have my head phones. I panicked and yelled for them to get me out of it. The guy then made me turn around look in the MRI, it was open the other end and there was plenty of air! That calmed me down a little. I then decided to 'man up' and get on with it. I put my head phones on, closed my eyes and in I went. The tube was so narrow, the top was only a few inches above my head. I listened to my music, singed and counted the time down. I was in there for 1 hour 10min's. It felt like a life time. I had a panic attack half way through and really wanted to push the button for them to get me out, but I managed to calm myself down. I was in tears though. I told myself if I got out they would only have to start it all over again.
By the time I was pulled out I was just about ready to scream and push the button. The machine was loud which didn't bother me. It was the claustrophobia that was scary. I felt so enclosed. So pleased I didn't open my eyes through out as I would have freaked out.
I felt traumatised for a few hours afterwards. Sounds silly but it was horrible. I don't know how I kept it together. I don't know if I could do it again. I now have a three week wait to get the results!
MRI today...
I am off to work for 3 hours and then have my MRI. I am a bit nervous about it, but I have been through far worse in my life. It is not like it is going to hurt, they are not doing anything invasive. I just need to tell myself to 'man up'!! I did a CD last night of all my favourite, upbeat/loud rock songs so I can have that played whilst in my MRI, they said they will provide head phones. That will keep me calm as I sing along. I have decided to sing loudly as no one will be able to hear me!!
Going back to work yesterday was great for a few reasons, got to see all my co-workers/friends who are a great laugh and got to take my mind off all my TTC worries. My job is so busy and stressful, which is not great at times, but actually just what I need right now!
I will update later on to let you all know how well, or how badly my MRI went!
Going back to work yesterday was great for a few reasons, got to see all my co-workers/friends who are a great laugh and got to take my mind off all my TTC worries. My job is so busy and stressful, which is not great at times, but actually just what I need right now!
I will update later on to let you all know how well, or how badly my MRI went!
Sunday, 21 June 2009
IComLeavWe: June
Welcome all. Some of you may know me, others not so I will give you a little run down of myself and my blog. Thanks for visiting!!
- I am 25, married and a veterinary surgeon.
- I have a rescue doe g called Maddy
- We are TTC our first child but isn't quite going to plan
- I have stage IV endometriosis and hypothyroidism
- I had my 2nd laparoscopy 3 weeks ago. They could not remove all of the endo and so I am on injections to supress my ovaries for 6 months. I will then be having my 3rd lap to remove the rest of my endo
On a side note: I am back to work tomorrow after 3 weeks off work. Wow I am lucky to have such a long time off!! In some ways and looking forward to going back. seeing all of my colleagues who are good friends, I have missed them!
I have my MRI on Tuesday to check the nodules on my liver that they found during my lap. I am feeling so nervous, I am so claustrophobic! I am also nervous about the results of course!
Thursday, 18 June 2009
Fat fighters *updated
My new goal, something to keep my mind off things; is weight loss. I have been trying to lose the weight I put on when I gave up smoking 8 months ago, I am trying to become more healthy, get in better shape. Trying to make my body perfect for once I can eventually start TTC. I am exercising a lot to help me tone and trim.
I have also joined a fat fighting group (I know I shouldn't call them that but I need some humour!). I have joined slimming world. A couple of my friends go and so will be good socially. It may give me the kick up the arse I need to lose this weight. The only problem is that it is so cheesy! You all get weighed, and then sit around in a circle and the coordinator announces how much people have lost or gained and we all clap, cheer or boo!. She never announces the actual weight we are. The diet is hard to follow at the mo, I need to keep checking in the book before I eat anything! I am sure it will get easier.
I love a goal!
***update***
Just to say this group fat fighters, really isn't my thing usually. I did find it very hard not to laugh out loud last night, its so cheesy!! I have tried many other diets and they have not worked so decided this was the next step. I have decided the humiliation may spur me on to lose weight!!
I have also joined a fat fighting group (I know I shouldn't call them that but I need some humour!). I have joined slimming world. A couple of my friends go and so will be good socially. It may give me the kick up the arse I need to lose this weight. The only problem is that it is so cheesy! You all get weighed, and then sit around in a circle and the coordinator announces how much people have lost or gained and we all clap, cheer or boo!. She never announces the actual weight we are. The diet is hard to follow at the mo, I need to keep checking in the book before I eat anything! I am sure it will get easier.
I love a goal!
***update***
Just to say this group fat fighters, really isn't my thing usually. I did find it very hard not to laugh out loud last night, its so cheesy!! I have tried many other diets and they have not worked so decided this was the next step. I have decided the humiliation may spur me on to lose weight!!
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