Up and down

Thanks to everyone for their support, means a lot to me. I have been having good happy days and very depressed days for the last week. I am just sick of waiting, sick of wanting something so bad. I have realised that a week on Saturday I will be starting my injections!! Yay, one more week of waiting and then hell. The insomnia, migraines and restlessness will start! I am sure I will be moody during it but hopefully it will be worth it.

As far as my friend at work goes, she is pregnant which is great for her, but we all sadly found out a horrible way. She came into work on Monday in tears as she was bleeding and she thought she was miscarrying again. She could not get a scan until Wednesday and the bleeding had started on the Saturday! The NHS is shit!! Thankfully the baby is fine, they saw a heart beat and she is 8 weeks PG! It suddenly put things into perspective, the jealousy went away immediately. I did not want her to go through another miscarriage and thankfully at the mo all is fine.

The hard thing is now that everyone at work knows, there is soooo much talk of babies. Everyone is obviously happy for her and excited, including me, but it is hard at times.

Not long now and hopefully it will be me as well. We will have babies three months apart, fingers crossed for both of us!!

Not sure why I am bleeding (TMI!)

I had my period last week, was painful etc. I then started back on the pill on Friday and all was fine for a couple of days. On Monday afternoon I noticed a brown bloody discharge, though nothing of it and sort of ignored it. It has got progressively worse since then. It is like the end of a period blood. I am not in any pain, everything with me is normal except for this slight bleeding.

Why is this happening? Is it because of the pill?

I have my IVF schedule appointment on Wednessday. If it continues I shall try to speak to someone then.

I told my boss today that I will be going through IVF in July. He was strangely Ok about it and supportive! I am going to try to keep it a secret. How many of you decided to be open about IVF and how manay managed to keep it secret?

Painful period

Not only does AF show up 4 days late and give me false hope, she is bloody painful and heavy. I am feeling like shit, I am struggling to function at work and I am feeling pretty down.

To top things off I burnt my heat pad in the broken microwave at work, and my receptionist at work is slagging me off as I am 'always ill' (WTF!! How rude! You think I like being ill and in so much pain all the time?) This is the same receptionist who called me into work one day, telling me I had to come in right away when I had called in sick as I was vomiting due to pain! BITCH!

Monday cant come any quicker. Cant wait to see how quickly I can do an IVF cycle!

The fat lady is singing

My period has started....... FUCK

Al that wondering, all that false hope. Its over.

At least I have my IVF appointment in a weeks time. There was a hope that I would have been one of those 'opps I got pregnant before my IVF appointment' kinda gal's. Obviously not.

Now I am in shit loads of pain and work is busy. I have been on a 110 hr on duty shift at the vets (OMG how freaking long, I am sure it is illegal!) and have another 36 hours to go! I am so down in the dumps. DH is away working so I cant even get a hug from him.

so unhappy at work

Work is busy and stressful, I am a vet, that is to be expected. What is not expected is everyone at work talking to me and treating me like a piece of shit. One particular nurse has always been spiteful to me. She is sly as externally she seems very nice, but it is the snide comments and they way she talks to you. I had a big falling out with her this morning. She made me so upset and angry, I was nearly in tears. I rarely cry. I hate her for making me feel weak.

I am currently writing my CV and searching for jobs. I am concerned, I do not want to be starting a brand new job and be going through IVF. I spoke to the IVF clinic today. I will most prob have an appointment June and be going through a cycle in July. I have to give 2 months notice when handing in my resignation. It will all be going on when I will be doing IVF.

What is better?
1) being unhappy at work, stressed, miserable and going through IVF, if pregnant get maternity pay.
2) being stressed in a new job, potentially being happier and if get pregnant NOT getting maternity pay

I just don't know, I am so depressed. I haven't eaten all day, that is not like me!!

The rudeness

I have had an awful weekend and bank holiday on duty. Only 20 hours left!! I have been extremely busy and stressed.

I got called out this evening to a lame horse. I left straight away and told the owner what I thought was wrong and what the treatment was. She completely disbelieved me and disregarded everything I said. Started being very rude, talking about me behind my back but was loud enough for me to hear. She told me she didn't believe that what I was saying was true, that I didn't get there quick enough even though I left straight away and drove very fast. I said I didn't appreciate her disbelieving me and she said she didn't care what I thought. She demanded to see my boss and demanded me off her land!! I left in tears. I cant quite put across to you guys just how rude she was. I normally have quite thick skin but I am tired and my injections are in full swing and I had had enough. How can people speak to others like that. More importantly how can people speak to their vet like that! I will never go and treat that lady's horses again unless she apologises to me. I am now so stressed and upset that I have eaten a big chocolate bar. My diet has gone out of the window!!!

Crap weekend, updated

DH is away, I am on duty, I have been busy, I am tired, I have a migraine, I am emotional, I have pains in my belly and I still have another 56 hours of being on duty! I have already been on duty for 52 hours!!

Sorry, this is a complaining post! I am just feeling tired, emotional and lonely! I am hating the side effects of my 4th injection and I am hating being on duty. With DH being away it is getting a bit too much for me!

I also feel being on duty for 108 hours straight is illegal but what can I do about it?!?! If I complain and refuse to work I can lose my job!

****update****
I am a vet and work all day and night on call. I am able to rest and sleep in between emergencies but can get called out any time of day and night. I have been very busy, got called out at 5 am this morning and had a late night last night. Am very tired!!

Interview for job

I had my telephone interview this afternoon for the new job I have applied for. It went well. The guy was dubious about my experience and age initially but I think I managed to impress him as he has asked me to come in for an interview on Saturday!! I am very pleased as this is a great confidence boost. I have been stuck in a rut for a while now and this has really cheered me up!

I really don't think I will take the job though as it is def more hours than what I am doing now but I could be running my own veterinary surgery in a years time if I take the job!! I don't think I would gain the respect I needed though for this job as I am only 25. Although I am capable of doing this job, I would be in charge of all vets that are older and more experienced than me and I cant see a 40 year taking kindly to a 25 year old being their boss!

We shall wait and see for my interview on Saturday as you never know, this could be my dream job! I have decided that it is not the end of the world if I do not get the job. It has made me realise that a few things about my job are not as bad as I thought they are in comparison to some places.

The grass isnt always greener on the other side!

I applied!

I did it, I applied for the job. The guy has got back to me already and is asking me to call him for a phone interview on Sunday or Monday, when ever I am free!! I cant believe it that I have a positive response. I expected a straight 'No' as soon as he saw my e-mail application. Of course it is still early days and there is no guarantee I am right for this job, or more importantly the job is right for me. I have decided that I will only move jobs if it really is the right job for me and fits all of my criteria. There is no point moving to an average job as I already have an average job.

Thanks for reminding me that if I have an interview, I am interviewing them as well as them interviewing me.

Awful morning

I am on duty this weekend and it has been rubbish so far. I am feeling exhausted emotionally and physically. Had a 2 year old black Labrador come in to me this morning. She had been hit by a car and was in a very bad way. I worked on her for over an hour trying to stabilise her and resuscitate her. Managed to bring her back 3 times but sadly I lost her. Was such a shame and devastating, but wasn't through lack of trying. I am still feeling down in the dumps though and wishing it was a different outcome. Sometimes I wonder why I do my job. It is exhausting, long hours and heart breaking more often than not.

I don't talk about my job much, but as most of you know I am a veterinary surgeon. I qualified 2 years ago and look after all animals small and large. I work a 1 in 3 rota meaning I work Monday-Friday 8.30am - 7pm and 1 in 3 nights, 1 in 3 Saturday mornings and 1 in 3 weekends. This goes up to 1 in 2 if someone is away on holiday. On a weekend I start at 8.30am on the Friday and do not clock off until 7pm on Monday evening! It is such a long weekend!

I am stressed about my lap, stressed about being on duty as I am always on guard for the phone to ring with an emergency and I am stressed with house buying. This weekend is not panning out well.

Poor Bobby, I am so sorry I could not save you, I tried my best, it was not to be.