The beginning

I have Endometriosis and I am 24 years old. My doctor has told me I should start trying for a baby and that is what I am doing. I have been with my Husband for 8 years, we have been married for 7 months and I feel we are definitely ready.

My periods have always been extremely heavy and painful and I am usually quiet unwell, but the pill has managed to control some of the signs and I had a laser laparoscopy 4 years ago. Coming off the pill was hard, my first period was terrible, I was in bed for 2 days, I could hardly move, felt sick and was in so much pain. I told my husband I couldn't cope with this every month and we needed to start trying a.s.a.p. He told me not to be so obsessive and to be relaxed about it all. I understand the more you stress the less likely it is to happen, but I can not cope with the pain.

This month we have had sex 3times so far, but he has seen very reluctant and nervous about the possibility of me becoming pregnant. We had sex 2 days prior to me ovulating and I was hoping the timing was correct and that I could be pregnant. that was just over a week ago and I feel no different, I don't feel pregnant. I know it takes time, but I cant stand the wait so i took a pregnancy test yesterday morning. It was negative which didn't surprise me, I knew it would be but I just needed it to confirm it. I know its early and I have to wait until I have missed my period but that is another 7 days away which seems like a life time.

The problem is, I am obsessing, having a baby is all I think about and dream about. I want a baby so badly and I know because I want it so badly it wont happen, and that's what I am scared about. If it doesn't happen I will need another operation and I don't know if I can cope with that again.

I have bought a fertility monitor for next month but my husband doesn't know as he would tell me off. I am going to do it properly and get the timing right. Also I am not going to let him be so relaxed and hopefully have sex more. Surely a man should have a higher sex drive than this and more sex is what every man dreams of?!

He as the theory that if it happens it happens but I want it right NOW!