I feel things are getting a bit too much for me at the moment. I am sure a lot of it is to do with my injections and me being emotional etc but I feel I am slipping into a bit of depression. I have had mild depression before, went to see a councillor about it and things improved a little. I have never been to the doctors about it as mostly I can cope and pull myself out of the slum. I often recognise the signs and stop myself becoming depressed if I can.
I am noticing the signs, I am becoming depressed but I cant pull myself out of it. It has been creeping up on me for a while now. There have been quite a few things that have pushed me a little further as well. Mostly my MRI results and the injections. What nearly tipped me over the edge today was seeing a picture of my SIL with her cute 20 week bump. She looks amazing pregnant. The horrible green eyed jealous monster has escaped form me again. I find myself staring at the bump, jealous and in tears. I want a bump. When I stare in the mirror, instead of a nice baby bump I see fat. I could pass for being three months pregnant at the mo, no real bump, just fat, well that's me. I hate it, I am exercising and dieting but I don't look or feel any better.
This self hatred is not a good thing. It can only lead to more depression. How can I stop this mini meltdown? How can I rid myself of this depression? I guess first step is to stop the self pity. As my dear friend K would say 'Man up!'
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{{HUGS}} I am so sorry. I am feeling a lot like you right now- and it is HARD. I am sorry you are going through this.
ReplyDeleteDon't be too hard on yourself. Part of it is the hormones, but don't totally dismiss it ALL as hormones. These feelings are coming from somewhere. It is okay to cry, be jealous and depressed. If I lived..uh, in the same CONTINENT as you I would bring over some wine and Yahtzee and we would have some fun.
{{{{HUGS}}}
I'm so very sorry. This whole process is so hard. ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie. I'm so sorry. This journey can be so hard at times.
ReplyDeleteA couple things that have helped me are taking a walk, reading a book, watching a movie, throwing a carton of eggs on the ground (sounds funny but when you are mad at your eggs, the best thing is to take it out on some eggs :)) and cleaning the house. Keeping busy helps.
I know you don't feel like doing anything, but if you force yourself to, you'll find it helps.
Email me anytime you want....always here for you sweetie!
(((HUGS)))
Sending you lots of hugs and good thoughts.
ReplyDelete:( xoxo
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you are feeling down. I hope talking about it has eased some of the worry, stress and depression. There are so many of us out there that I hope you can find support in all well wishes. Tomorrow is another day and a day that is even closer to Friday :)
ReplyDeleteI think there is so much going on that you feeling down is understandable Nic, just make sure you catch yourself and ask for help if you need it.
ReplyDeletejust because it is understandable does not mean you need to or deserve to feel like shit. hormones are crazymaking but again, you do not deserve to feel shitty.
and good for you for your quick comeback on the baby comment!
I cannot imagine what people are thinking.
take care of yourself sweetie and know that you are doing great in all the ways you can. You are showing incredible strength and resilience. and
please do find someone to talk to if you need to. no shame there at all.
warm hugs,
Kate