Is it me or is nearly everyone pregnant at the moment?!?! (If you are reading and pregnant, sorry, I am happy for you, I just want it to be me as well!!). I have had 4 pregnancy announcements this week. They have been so hard to swallow. I smile and act pleased and surprised but inside I am crying and jealous! I hate the jealousy, I am not a good person when I am jealous, I just cant help it. Before, when I was TTC there was hope that this could be the month and I could join the bump brigade, or there was always next month. Hope kept me going. The fact that I am on a break and I know there is no chance, no hope makes it even harder.
I was having a conversation with a friend who knows my TTC worries (the only friend who knows) and we were chatting about why we want a baby. It is so hard to put into words why it is that I want a baby. I want a little person growing inside me, I want a little me and DH, I want something to love with all my heart, I want to fill the gaping hole which I feel in my heart, I want a baby.....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You don't have to apologize. Other people's pregnancies can be the worst. I still get jealous when I hear about others getting pregnant on the first try or that it was a surprise. Hang in there, maybe drink a huge cup of coffee or a glass of wine right in front of there face :) Sometimes you can only grasp at the little things.
ReplyDelete{{HUGS}} I agree. By the shear amount of damn bumps I see everywhere- we are going to have to populate the effin' moon soon!! Or develop gills b/c there isn't going to be enough land to fit us all! ARGH.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry. It is hard to explain why we want a baby. I just do. I want a piece of me and my husband carried on forever. I want to matter to the world. sigh.
{{HUGS}}
There is no way to describe WHY one wants a baby. You just do and it's the most powerful yearning a woman can feel. Word can't do it justice.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are on hold. Being onhold sucks more than anything. Even when I had a failed cycle I knew I was moving forward to my next step. I hope these next few months speed by. Hopefully your diet/health goals will be a source of distraction from TTC.
BTW- don't visit my blog today. It' all about me being pregnant so it's probably not what you'd like to see right now.
Take care
I can't even count how many people I know have announced pregnancy since we've been TTC! It seems, at the moment, that everyone I know is pregnant (or has just had a baby). It is so hard to not be jealous, and actually have some joy for them. When I see random bellies in public, I'm always bitter (that is supposed to be me!), but remind myself that I don't know that person's story. What if they've suffered the same kind of heartbreak I have?
ReplyDeleteYour feelings are totally legitimate, and shared by many in the IF community. Try to keep you chin up, and your eye on the prize. It will be SO worth it in the end.