Had a very deep and painful conversation with my DH whilst driving home from my Grandparents this afternoon. I haven't posted about this as didn't want to seem a bitch or melodramatic, but my DH has not been very affectionate or loving these past couple of months. I know it is partly my fault as I have been horrible with my hormones. My moods are so up and down poor DH hasn't known whether he was coming or going. However I have become increasingly frustrated as he has withdrawn into himself and hardly speaks to me of an evening and there is certainly no kissing or cuddling.
I spoke to him about this in the car and he told me it was because I have been such a bitch and a grumpy cow. He said that he got to the point that he didn't know what mood I would be in when he got home from work that he didn't even bother to try to find out. I apologised and explained it has been hard for me too with these horrible hormones. He understood and we both apologised. I was on the verge of tears though, some of the things he said was extremely hurtful but I didn't want him to know I was about to cry as he would just call me hormonal!
I did have to remind him of all of the pain and procedures I am going through just so that we stand a small chance of having a baby. I know he would swap if he could and its not easy what he has to deal with (mainly my hormones!) but it is a lot for me to bear.
I also approached a 'what if' situation if we can not have children. I said I would want to adopt as I can not live my life without a child. He does not want to adopt. I told him that may become a problem and it could end our marriage. He said his mind may change in 5 years time if we def cant have children but for now adoption is not an option. I guess that is fair. Adoption is not on the cards yet, no where near yet. I do however like to play out all scenarios in my mind just in case!
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Um, did you write this post for me? Really- b/c this is the same thing we have been going through, just for different reasons.(his totally apathy/ignoring any further step towards TESE/MESA) DH and I finally talked this morning after an ugly episode last night. I can't even post about it right now b/c I am tired of crying.
ReplyDelete{{HUGS}}
I am so glad that you are done with the shots and hopefully your hormones will get back to normal.
I swear- I think you are my emotional twin.
I'm sorry you and your husband have been having a hard time. I'm glad that you were able to talk and feel better about some things. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about the hardships you and your husband are going through. As if infertility isn't as hard as it is already, IF and all it's demons can sometimes drive a wedge between your relationship with your spouse. Open and constant communication will help to prevent things from bottling up and suddenly blowing up-regardless of what the issues are. I hope you'll find a way to heal your heart. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about the heavy conversation today. Sometimes it helps so much to talk things through. I hope and pray that things start looking up and that the hormones settle down soon!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about all you have to go through. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this.
ReplyDeleteoh sweet Nic, that sounds so hard-- I think that one of the hardest things is for this unbalance-- all that we women do, and what the guys do-- they feel and really are mostly on the outside of so much of this process.
ReplyDeleteI found that cuddling helps, even if I am not in the mood for other things, it helps to reach out, and sometimes the mood can be coerced-- while not the most romantic or ideal, sometimes it helps just to reconnect.
I think this is true now, and when you're in the midst of IVF, and when you're pregnant too- so much is on you, and in you (!) --
I wish you all the best on this balance, I am glad you two talked but I am so sorry you had to, it sounds painful and difficult.
good luck Nic,
stupid hard stuff.
xo
kate
I completely understand. My husband and I are going through much the same thing right now. I never in all of my wildest dreams thought this would be the life I lead. But, we have to take one day at a time and remember to love each other.
ReplyDeleteThat's a tough conversation...especially when you're stuck in the car with no escape route. You're going through one of the hardest things that anyone ever has to deal with and for that, you get all the credit in the world. Women are good at playing out all possible scenarios while men just focus on what they can control...that's probably why he's not seeing it the same as you do. Be patient and keep talking...infertility can break a marriage or make it unbreakable.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are in pain right now, but at least you guys are talking about this. Even if it is painful, ignoring the rough time you are having is not the healthiest thing to do. Hopefully things will get back to normal as you come off the hormones.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you and your DH have hit a rough patch.
ReplyDeleteJust another thing that IF affects.
It sucks.
Sending you lots of love and hugs.
Sass
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