My IVF is about to start! A reflection

This is a look back on my IF journey so far. My injections for IVF start tomorrow and I am so fricking excited!!

I got diagnosed with endometriosis when I was 18. I was already with my now DH at the time and expressed my concern to him about my chances of having children. We decided not to worry, we were sure all would be fine, we were too young to think about it so we carried on as normal.

Throughout my training as a vet DH and I always talked about having children and really wanted them once I had worked as a vet for a while to get my career going. Once we got married we decided we were having children as soon as possible. I came off the pill. We started TTC but not properly, that whole 'if we relax it will happen' shite! Each month when it didn't happen it got more and more serious. I started monitoring my ovulation and timing sex and months went by where we kept getting BFN's.

Long story short I went to the doctors, had a 2nd lap, had 6 months of suppression and a 3rd lap to cut me endo away, remove my appendix, biopsy my liver, remove my utero-sacral ligaments and started TTC again. Nothing happened and couldn't cope off the pill, so we had an IVF consult. Because we were told one of my tubes are blocked and the other one is dilated, my chances of conceiving naturally are very small.

I was put on the NHS IVF waiting list and amazingly I am about to start my injections tomorrow!!

I remember when I started this blog. I was a little naive, I was a little too hopeful, but that all changed as my blogging continued. When I first started this blog I got a rude comment from someone. I was told I could not claim I had IF unless I had been TTC for at least 2 years. Now that annoyed me, my journey of TTC had not been as long as some girls, but I had endo, I had a lap, I had already been on different treatments to try to control my endo and pain. Every time I had tried coming off the pill, the pain and sickness had been so bad I had to go back on it. I was frustrated, I couldn't try for a baby like others and that has still been my problem a couple of years down the line. I can not cope off the pill, I need the pill and I hate that. This is why IVF is my only option.

A confession; when I used to read IVF blogs I was always interested and supportive and genuine, but I always secretly hoped it would not be me, felt a little sorry for the girls. I am sure that everyone hoped they would not need IVF. Now that it is most probably my only option I am sad, I am disappointed and I do not want others to have to go through it. I wish I didnt have to go through it. I am nervous. I am scared, what if it doesn't work? What if they can not collect my eggs as my endo is so bad they can not get to my ovaries. What if I do not have a baby at the end of this. How will I cope?