Sudden realisation

I have only been doing this blog for a couple of months but have blogged about other topics in the past but a few things have surprised me this time round. Firstly it is addictive; I have always been one to write in a diary, not the last few years but a lot when I was younger so blogging feels quite natural. The other addictive part is finding other people's blogs who are also TTC or infertile or on their journey to a baby via IVF etc. I cant get enough of every ones blogs. Although I am only at the beginning of my TTC journey I love reading about everybody else. Main reason I think is because I am planning for the worst, that I wont be able to conceive and will have to go down the IVF route etc and I want to know all about it!! You have guessed it, I am a pessimist!

My main realisation was that people are reading my blog, admittedly only a few at the moment I presume but this feels very weird. Obviously I knew people would, that is one of the points of the blog, I am basically writing my diary on the Internet! I have always known this but all of a sudden it has seemed strange knowing that people are reading about me and possibly getting the same enjoyment out of me as I do them.

This blog has actually been helpful to me, it helps to make me look more relaxed and less obsessive on the outside. It allows me to put my thoughts and feelings down and stops my mind from buzzing so that poor DH does not have to hear everything about a thousand times, only a couple instead!! The only thing is the blog is making me feel guilty. I feel guilty as I am being very secretive with my DH. He doesn't know about this blog but I don't think he would mind too much, I am not exactly giving away who I am etc. I am however keeping secret from him my obsessiveness and my fertility monitor!!! I know you should not have secrets in a marriage and if he asked me any of this I would not lie, I would definitely tell him the truth but for me the end result is so important that I need to do this, need to do it to try to keep a little sanity!!